The Vulnerability of Surviving Spouses in the Aftermath of a Lifetime Together
Former President Jimmy Carter, at age 99, takes on a new role as a widower This article explores the vulnerability that surviving spouses experience in grief, highlighting the physical and emotional stress they endure Men and younger spouses may face particular challenges
Former President Jimmy Carter, at 99 years old, has worn many hats in his lifetime: from humanitarian and Sunday school teacher, to woodworker and naval lieutenant, and most importantly, father and husband. However, he now finds himself in a new role that is both unfamiliar and all too common for many older adults - that of a widower.
The passing of his wife of 77 years, Rosalynn, on November 19, has left Carter to navigate life without his lifelong partner by his side.
Former US President Jimmy Carter is captured in this 2018 file photo, beaming at a book signing event for his latest book 'Faith: A Journey For All' held at Barnes & Noble bookstore in New York.
Drew Angerer/Getty Images/File
Former President Jimmy Carter expected to attend wifes memorial service
Dealing with the loss of a spouse can be mentally and physically draining. There have been worries about the health of the former president, who was already in poor health, and whether he will be able to attend all three days of tributes planned in Atlanta. The grandson of the Carters, Jason, mentioned that his grandfather intends to travel to Atlanta to be present at a memorial service for Rosalynn Carter on Tuesday at a church located at Emory University.
The Carters were incredibly close in both their personal and professional lives, and were clearly deeply in love. "Rosalynn was my equal partner in all of my achievements," Carter stated in a press release from the Carter Center on November 19. "She provided me with wise guidance and encouragement when I needed it. As long as Rosalynn was by my side, I always felt loved and supported."
Rosalynn Carter passed away just two days after her family disclosed that she had entered hospice care, leading to concerns about how her husband is dealing with the loss, despite his proven resilience.
At 99 years old as of October 1, Carter has been in delicate health. He has been receiving home hospice care for unspecified health issues since February. The Carter Center and the Carter family have not provided any additional updates on his condition.
Grief brings physical and emotional stress
"When he first went into hospice, we all thought we had just a few days, but it's turned out to be this amazing blessing of several months," shared Jason Carter in an interview with CNN's Jake Tapper in October, in honor of his grandfather's birthday. "He's hanging in there, but still quite physically restricted."
Despite facing numerous challenges, the ex-president has overcome them time and time again, including successful treatment for melanoma that had spread to his brain in 2015, as well as recovering from surgery to alleviate brain pressure after a fall in 2019.
Nevertheless, the process of grieving can be incredibly physically and emotionally taxing for the remaining spouse, albeit being an intensely personal experience.
On September 15, 1966, Georgia State Sen. Jimmy Carter embraced his wife, Rosalynn, at his campaign headquarters in Atlanta. This occurred after a strong performance in the primary election the previous day, September 14, 1966. Carter and businessman Lester Maddox were in a close race for the Democratic gubernatorial nomination runoff spot against former Gov. Ellis Arnall in the late returns. (AP Photo)
Horace Cort/AP
Opinion: What made the Carters marriage magic
Dr. Deborah Carr, a sociologist at Boston University who specializes in the study of grief in older adults, expressed, "For those who had such a close-knit relationship, like the Carters clearly did - being partners and soulmates since childhood - it's a deep and profound loss. Every aspect of their daily life is altered, and the absence of their confidant, helper, and soulmate is truly devastating. I believe that every aspect of his emotional life will truly change."
Simultaneously, the emotional toll of grieving for a spouse can take a physical toll on you. Dr. Dawn Carr, a gerontologist studying grief in older age at Florida State University, explains, "What we know about widowhood is that it's one of the most difficult experiences you go through."
Carr, who is not related to Deborah Carr, stated that the health impacts are considerable, although they differ among individuals. The type of grief and the ability to cope varies depending on factors such as the expectedness of the loss and the availability of resources, including financial, emotional, and spiritual support.
In London, England, a woman wipes away tears after participating in one minute of silence and reflection in honor of the late Queen Elizabeth II at the floral tribute area in Green Park near Buckingham Palace on September 18, 2022. The National Moment of Reflection signifies a one-minute silence preceding the State Funeral scheduled for tomorrow. It provides an opportunity to grieve the passing of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II and contemplate her life and legacy. Queen Elizabeth II passed away at Balmoral Castle in Scotland on September 8, 2022. She is succeeded by her eldest son, King Charles III. (Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)
Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images
Why we grieve for people we dont know
The Carters had a strong faith and were actively involved in their church community. Jimmy Carter regularly taught Sunday School at Maranatha Baptist Church in Plains, Georgia, and both he and his wife served as deacons. They also made a habit of reading the Bible together every day. Additionally, the former president had the support of his family, which was very important to him.
According to Deborah Carr from Boston University, social support is the most crucial resource for navigating grief. It includes practical assistance like helping with medications, as well as emotional support such as listening to stories and sharing photos. This support is invaluable and cannot be underestimated.
Men, younger spouses may fare worse
According to Carr, even when a death is anticipated and a person has ample support, nearly all individuals who lose a long-time partner will undergo a substantial rise in feelings of depression and loneliness that may persist for years.
Dawn Carr from Florida State University explains, "The person you share a home with becomes your primary source of social engagement, especially in later life. Going from having someone to talk to about everything to being alone can have a negative impact on your mental health and sense of connectedness."
Men and younger widowers appear to struggle the most with grief.
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According to Deborah Carr, men often experience a more difficult time coping after the death of a spouse compared to women. This is due to the loss of the person responsible for cooking for them, reminding them to visit the doctor, and take their medication. This is especially prevalent among older generations.
Being a full-time caregiver for a spouse can also be physically and emotionally draining. Many individuals who take on the responsibility of lifting, bathing, and feeding a disabled spouse may experience physical and emotional exhaustion, often resulting in significant health problems after their spouse passes away, according to Boston University's Carr. "If you were a caregiver, your physical health is at a particularly high risk," she stated.
Caregivers often prioritize the needs of their dying spouse, neglecting their own health in the process. As a result, they may experience a significant decline in their health once their spouse passes away. According to Carr, this decline is the result of long-term neglect of their own well-being, including missing medical appointments.
