Opinion: Matthew Perry's Quest to Break Free from Chandler Bing

Holly Thomas, a London-based writer and editor at Katie Couric Media, shares her thoughts on the double mourning that occurs when a beloved TV star passes away. Matthew Perry's recent death at 54, which is currently being investigated, blurs the line between grieving for him and grieving for Chandler Bing, the clever and neurotic member of the "Friends" group.

Holly Thomas

People are paying tribute to Perry and Chandler, both in Los Angeles and at the iconic "Friends" apartment block in New York. Many believe that Perry's distinct voice, with its unmistakable cadence ("could I be..."), belonged solely to him. However, in his 2022 autobiography titled "Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing," Perry clarified that this was not the case.

Perry openly discussed his long-standing battle with alcohol and drug addiction, and the grave physical consequences it had on his health ("Just to emphasize, my colon actually ruptured!"). He also revealed the humiliating experience of trying to procure drugs, only to be stopped by his assistant, and the profound sense of loneliness that led him to pursue numerous romantic relationships, only to end them out of fear of being abandoned first.

According to Perry, his public persona as Chandler served as a facade. He expressed his fear that if he were to reveal his true self, he would risk being noticed and ultimately abandoned. This fear was unbearable to him, as he believed it would be impossible for him to survive such rejection.

According to his own admission, the person responsible for the funniest character on "Friends" was described as being vain, self-obsessed, and superficial. In his memoir, he mentioned that his parents were extremely attractive, his luxurious penthouse apartment in New York cost $20 million, he spent $7 million on rehab facilities during 15 visits, and he had surpassed his father's success in the entertainment industry. His father, who had abandoned him and his mother in Canada to pursue his Hollywood dreams, was an actor.

Perry's achievements greatly overshadowed Chandler's, as did his personal struggles. By honestly depicting both aspects, he demonstrated that his success could not erase his challenges.

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Friends cast members react to the devastating loss of Matthew Perry.

In a stunning revelation, Perry disclosed that three weeks prior to his audition for "Friends," he found himself falling to his knees in prayer. He pleaded with God, willing to sacrifice anything in exchange for fame. However, as time went on, he realized that this deal he had made was ultimately empty. Two years later, Perry had a chance encounter with an old actor companion who deeply regretted declining the role of Chandler. Only 26 years old at the time, Perry reassured his friend that fame does not deliver the fulfillment that they had all anticipated.

Perry's struggles with addiction were only magnified by the overwhelming success of "Friends". While his castmates thrived in their rise to fame, Perry felt as though his journey was tainted by the disease, leading him to bitterness. In an interview last year, he expressed his frustration, stating, "It's not fair that I had to go through this disease, and the other five didn't." Adding insult to injury, while Chandler found love and started a family on the show, Perry's personal life did not mirror that happiness.

His addiction created a destructive pattern that was evident through his fluctuating weight on camera. He explained, "When I gain weight, it's due to alcohol; when I'm skinny, it's because of pills. And when I have a goatee, it means I'm taking a lot of pills." By "a lot" of pills, he meant consuming a staggering fifty-five Vicodin tablets daily. Between seasons three and four, Perry's addiction escalated to the point where he stopped eating because food interfered with his high. During this period, he filmed the movie "Almost Heroes", and he vividly recalls keeping two towels by the toilet, one for wiping away vomit and the other for wiping away tears.

FRIENDS -- Pictured: Matthew Perry as Chandler Bing-- (Photo by Reisig & Taylor/NBCU Photo Bank/NBCUniversal via Getty Images via Getty Images)

Reisig & Taylor/NBCU Photo Bank/Getty Images

Opinion: Why Matthew Perry was my favorite among Friends

Perry stood apart from his "Friends" co-star Jennifer Aniston and other popular television actors like George Clooney, as he only experienced success with one film. Released in 2000, "The Whole Nine Yards" became his pride and joy, as it allowed him to achieve the same level of success as his childhood idol Michael J. Fox, simultaneously dominating both television and the box office. However, instead of celebrating this accomplishment, Perry found himself immersed in a world of drug dealers, confined to dark rooms, and living in misery.

Despite his understanding that landing blockbuster roles would not solve his personal struggles, Perry couldn't hide his disappointment at not achieving a substantial career in the film industry. He attributed this to the fact that the role that made him famous was deemed exceptional to the point of hindering his progress.

Being constantly identified as Chandler became his burden in the professional world. However, he couldn't help but humorously point out that his car's ignition functioned by verbally commanding it to start, simply because of his association with "Friends." He was unable to escape the shadow of Chandler, yet he couldn't bring himself to completely distance from the character.

A similar cycle plagued Perry's struggle with substance abuse. Either he couldn't attain what he desired, or when he did, it never lived up to his expectations, leaving him utterly crushed. Eventually, he discovered the importance of shifting his focus away from personal desires and towards the needs of himself and the countless others who shared similar struggles.

Less than a year prior to his death, Perry emphasized that his utmost aspiration for remembrance was his readiness to assist anyone seeking help in overcoming their drinking problem. The speed with which his legacy would be assessed was unforeseeable. Sign up for our complimentary weekly newsletter now.

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In season one episode 13 of the TV show "Friends," Phoebe's boyfriend Roger, who is a psychiatrist, remarks to Chandler, "You're very funny. I wouldn't want to be present when the laughter ceased." For many years, Perry worked relentlessly to ensure that this never happened. Chandler, who had his flaws and vulnerabilities, masked an even greater degree of flaws and vulnerabilities in Perry. Despite Perry's desire to distance himself from Chandler, he kept him as a part of his life, fearing that others might discover what he was trying to conceal.

When Perry wrote his memoir, he fearlessly shared every gritty and self-centered aspect of his life, stepping away from Chandler's shadow. By bringing his most unflattering qualities into the limelight, he realized the power of addiction that thrives in secrecy, fueled by shame. He understood that no amount of fame or wealth could match the destructive force of addiction. While being friends with Matthew Perry may have often been heart-wrenching, it is his personal story, not Chandler's, that will have a lasting impact for years to come.