Gary Woodland's Struggle with the Fear of Death Before Undergoing Brain Surgery
American golfer Gary Woodland reveals his battle with overwhelming fear of death prior to undergoing life-changing brain surgery, leading to forgetfulness on the golf course Determined and resilient, Woodland remains unwavering in his pursuit of success
American golfer Gary Woodland admitted to feeling constant fear, particularly concerning death, in the months leading up to his brain surgery last year. The former US Open champion will make his return to competitive action this Thursday, marking his first tournament since undergoing a craniotomy to remove a brain lesion on September 18th.
Woodland's diagnosis had been made public a few weeks ago, but he had been suffering from life-altering symptoms for months earlier, starting during a PGA Tour event in late April. On the eve of the final round at the Mexico Open in Vallarta, the 39-year-old was sleeping when he suddenly woke up in fear.
He told reporters at the Sony Open in Honolulu that he didn't know what it was - possibly a panic attack - as he experienced shaking and trembling hands.
Woodland's doctor sent him for an MRI scan in late May after his symptoms worsened, including a loss of appetite, lack of energy, and chills. Woodland described his daily fear of death as the most debilitating symptom.
"I used to feel that everything, whether driving a car or on an airplane, was a threat to my life," he shared.
"Since the age of 16, I've put in a lot of effort working with performance coaches and psychologists. Despite thinking I could overcome it, I couldn't shake this fear. Each day felt like a new way to face death."
At 1 a.m., I was jolted awake by a terrifying sensation that had me clinging to the bed for an hour, convinced that I was falling from great heights or facing imminent death.
Woodland began experiencing symptoms at the Mexico Open in April 2023.
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The scan eliminated the possibility of Parkinson's disease, but identified what appeared to be a tumor in his brain. Subsequent tests led Woodland to seek out a specialist in Kansas City, who informed him that his jolting episodes were actually partial seizures caused by a lesion pressing on the part of the brain responsible for fear and anxiety.
"He told me, 'You're not losing your mind. Everything you're going through is typical and expected for the location of this thing in your brain,'" Woodland recounted.
I would be standing over a club and forget which club Im hitting
The subsequent medication ultimately started to control the seizures and enabled Woodland to carry on with daily activities, but it came with a price – the loss of memories and other "awful" side effects that left the golfer feeling "drained," experiencing irritability, and lacking focus and energy.
Woodland admitted to struggling with a severe lack of energy, even resorting to medication to keep up with his demanding schedule of PGA Tour events. Despite this, golf became his escape and sanctuary during this difficult time.
I felt really good physically in my game. I was able to get into positions that I've been working towards for a long time. Remarkably, Woodland made the cut in 8 out of 10 events he played in after his symptoms began, with a high finish of tied-14th at the Wells Fargo Championship.
Despite feeling nauseous throughout his two rounds at the PGA Championship, Woodland knew it was time to take a break from the course after a conversation with his caddie following a tied-27th performance at the Wyndham Championship in early August.
"My caddie pulled me aside and said, 'You can't play this way. You've got to go get help, you've got to get fixed,'" Woodland recalled.
I often found myself standing over a club and forgetting which one I was hitting. During lining up putts, I'd think, "This is taking too long. I'm just going to hit it." I didn't have the focus or the energy.
Woodland in action at his last event before surgery, the 2023 Wyndham Championship.
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Since the lesion was found to be benign, the surgeons opted not to completely remove the growth. Instead, they extracted half of it through a "baseball-sized hole" in his head, and then reconstructed it using titanium plates and screws, resulting in what Woodland humorously referred to as a "robotic head".
Nothing is going to stop me
The golfer was warned by doctors that the lesion's proximity to Woodlands optic tract and nearby blood vessels posed a risk of potential loss of eyesight and left-side paralysis following the surgery.
Two days later, Woodland returned home feeling exhausted but relieved, and soon he was practicing his putting on a makeshift dining room course.
"The support from the Tour, and from people outside the golf world, has been tremendous for me and my family," he said.
Upon awakening and realizing that I was unhurt, a deep sense of gratitude and love overwhelmed me, replacing the fear that had plagued me for over four months. It was an emotional moment, considering that I had spent each day during that time convinced that I was on the verge of death.
The anxiety leading up to the surgery, knowing that my skull would be opened and operated on, was truly dreadful.
Woodland is back for the new tour season.
Woodland, who has scans every three months, received a "stable" diagnosis at his last check-up just before the new year. Now eager to reduce his medication and get back to competing, Woodland can look back on a challenging - yet also enlightening - experience.
Woodland expressed, "I discovered a great deal about myself. Normally, I am the one people come to for assistance, but this time I sought help. It truly expedited the process and enabled us to discover this issue sooner than we otherwise would have. This act of seeking help ended up saving me more than anything else."
Chris Kirk, representing the United States, jubilantly holds the trophy aloft after emerging victorious in the final round of The Sentry at Plantation Course, Kapalua Golf Club, in Kapalua, Hawaii on January 7, 2024. (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)
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After receiving messages of being an inspiration to others, Woodland aspires for his story to bring hope to others. "I hope to show that you are capable of overcoming challenges and making tough decisions in life," he expressed. "I want to set an example for my children that no one can dictate what you can and cannot achieve."
I'm determined to turn this setback into a springboard for my career. Ultimately, I am here because I am confident that playing exceptional golf is my true calling. I am unwavering in my belief that nothing can hold me back, and I am excited for the many victories that await me in the future.
