Cameron Diaz: Embracing the Trend of Separate Bedrooms
Is your sleep suffering due to your partner's disruptions? Cameron Diaz advocates for separate bedrooms as a solution Discover expert suggestions to rule out sleep issues, develop coping skills, and determine if separate rooms are the answer
He snores so loud that the walls rattle. She radiates an incredible amount of body heat. One of you hogs the covers, kicks in the middle of the night, or takes frequent 3 a.m. bathroom breaks. Maybe you sleepwalk or struggle with insomnia. These disruptions during the night are all too familiar, according to experts.
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Get a better night's sleep and add nearly 5 years to your life. Cameron Diaz even advocates for separate marital bedrooms in a December 2023 episode of "Lipstick on the Rim" podcast, hosted by Molly Sims and Emese Gormley.
Diaz discussed her eight-year marriage to Good Charlotte rocker Benji Madden, referring to him as "wonderful." She suggested the idea of normalizing separate bedrooms, with her and her husband each having their own space, while sharing a middle bedroom for intimacy.
Couples are increasingly interested in the idea of a "sleep divorce" or having separate bedrooms to improve the quality of their sleep, according to sleep specialist Wendy Troxel, who wrote "Sharing the Covers: Every Couples Guide to Better Sleep" and is a senior behavioral and social scientist at RAND Corp.
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When it comes to your health, insufficient sleep should not be taken lightly: The lack of a full seven to eight hours of sleep per night has been associated with an increased risk of diabetes, stroke, cardiovascular disease, and dementia, according to the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Troxel mentioned that insufficient sleep can have a significant impact on various aspects of relationship dynamics, such as mood, frustration levels, tolerance, empathy, and communication with important individuals in one's life.
Furthermore, Dr. Raj Dasgupta, a sleep specialist and associate professor at the University of Southern California's Keck School of Medicine, stated in a 2022 interview with CNN that poor sleep and subsequent negative moods can diminish a person's ability to cope with minor challenges.
Lack of sleep has been linked to decreased empathy and difficulty regulating emotions, often leading to misunderstandings and conflict.
"The question I always get is, Is it bad if my partner and I sleep apart? The answer is no, not necessarily," Troxel said. "It can even have some significant upsides."
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According to Troxel and her colleagues' study, a fully rested individual is "a more effective communicator, happier, more empathetic, more appealing, and more humorous" - all qualities essential for building and maintaining healthy relationships, she explained.
Sleeping in separate beds can actually improve a couple's overall happiness, reduce feelings of resentment, and allow them to fully enjoy their time together in bed, especially on weekends when work is less demanding, according to Troxel. "I encourage couples to see it as creating a sleep alliance rather than a sleep divorce," she said. "Ultimately, there's nothing better for your health, happiness, and even your sex life than a good night's sleep."
Identify any potential sleep problems
Often, it is the sleep partner who notices any signs of sleep disorders and urges their loved one to seek advice from a doctor or sleep specialist. Undiagnosed sleep issues could have negative effects on your future health and that of your partner.
It is important to consult with a sleep specialist to rule out and address any underlying conditions before leaving the bed of a loved one, as identifying and treating a true health issue may be crucial. If snoring is a concern, it is essential to determine if obstructive sleep apnea, a serious sleep disorder where breathing stops for 10 seconds or more, is the cause.
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The American Academy of Sleep Medicine warns that untreated obstructive sleep apnea can lead to high risk of hypertension, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, depression, and premature death due to a lack of deep sleep. Additionally, a study has linked sleep apnea to brain damage.
Is your partner's legs constantly twitching, jiggling, or kicking? This may be a sign of periodic limb movement disorder or restless legs syndrome, also known as Willis-Ekbom disease. These conditions can be managed with lifestyle changes and medication.
Consider medication side effects. Many commonly prescribed drugs, such as those for cholesterol, asthma, high blood pressure, steroids, and antidepressants, can lead to insomnia and other sleep-related problems.
Are coping skills effective for managing an untreated medical condition such as diabetes, kidney disease, heart disease, cancer, and other common conditions that can disrupt sleep with chronic pain or frequent trips to the bathroom?
Once any significant health concerns have been ruled out, couples who derive emotional closeness from sharing a bed may want to consider trying some practical coping strategies before deciding to sleep separately, according to Troxel.
Avoid consuming alcohol before bed if you struggle with insomnia. While it may initially appear to help you sleep, alcohol actually leads to middle-of-the-night awakenings that can be difficult to overcome, experts advise.
Troxel advises that snorers should also cut out alcohol, as "if you sleep with a snorer and they have one too many drinks, the snoring will be much worse that night."
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Alcohol tends to relax throat muscles, leading to louder snoring. Partners can play a powerful role in encouraging healthy habits, known as "social control" according to experts like Troxel.
"If you have a tendency to drink, but you are aware that it not only affects your sleep but also your partner's sleep, you may be more inclined to reduce your alcohol intake," she commented.
Elevate your head. To address snoring, consider sleeping with extra pillows or using an adjustable bed to raise your head and keep your throat open, recommended Troxel.
"Some people find that their snoring worsens when they are lying flat on their backs, so elevating the head slightly can be helpful," she noted. If congestion is the cause, she suggested using a humidifier in the room. "Over-the-counter nasal strips have also been effective for some in keeping the airway open."
Block out the noise. When dealing with a snoring partner, a helpful tip is to use ear plugs and to have a fan or white noise machine running to help drown out the sound, according to Troxel. Another strategy is to adjust sleep schedules, as suggested by Troxel, by having the snorer go to bed later than their partner who may be struggling with insomnia.
"By way of illustration, a person who snores can opt to delay their bedtime by half an hour to an hour," Troxel explained. "This strategy enables the partner to enter a deeper stage of sleep and potentially maintain that level of sleep once the snorer joins them in bed."
Switch to a different subject. Sleeping on your back is the worst position for snoring, as the soft tissues of the mouth and tongue collapse into the throat. As the sleeper unconsciously forces air past these tissues, snoring occurs.
The young woman is disturbed sleep from snoring husband sleeping nearby on bed in night time, then she used a pillow off the ears with a nuisance
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It's best to sleep on your side, according to Dasgupta, who noted that people have utilized various inventive methods. "I prefer simple solutions, but if you're interested in purchasing something, we've advanced beyond sewing tennis balls into our pajamas," he said. "You can now buy a strap-on back support with small foam-like protrusions designed to encourage side sleeping."
Consider full support body pillows as an alternative, as long as they remain in position. Additionally, there are FDA-approved devices that can be strapped to the throat or chest, and are designed to vibrate when you are on your back, encouraging you to switch to sleeping on your side.
Is it time for separate bedrooms? Despite trying everything, quality sleep still eludes you. There's no reason not to prioritize getting the sleep you need, even if it means sleeping separately. There are other ways to nurture a relationship besides sharing a bed.
"Couples have the opportunity to transform the bedroom into a sacred space, even if they opt not to share the bed for sleeping," Troxel suggested. "By establishing pre-bedtime rituals, they can use this time to truly connect with their partner instead of isolating themselves with phones or laptops."
She advises couples to prioritize spending quality time together before bed, exchanging stories about their day and sending each other positive messages.
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"We understand that self-disclosure is beneficial for relationships and sleep," Troxel mentioned. "Expressing gratitude towards your partner fosters a deep connection, and gratitude is beneficial for both relationships and sleep."
According to Troxel, a "sleep divorce" does not necessarily entail sleeping in separate beds every night. It could be during the workweek, with the weekends spent together in the same bed, or even alternating nights - the choices are as individual as each couple.
"There's no single sleeping strategy that works for every couple," commented Troxel. "It's about discovering the strategy that will work best for both of you." This story was first published in December 2021 and has since been revised.
