Jesse Pinkman's Hilarious One-Liners: 15 Quotes That Will Leave You in Stitches

Summary

Jesse Pinkman's character arc in Breaking Bad is complex, as he transforms from a mediocre drug dealer to a successful meth manufacturer.

Jesse's humorous and clever quotes offer a refreshing break from the show's intense and somber moments. The interplay between Jesse and Walter White, their unlikely alliance, and Jesse's comedic naivety create some of the most amusing scenes in Breaking Bad.

Despite its reputation as a gripping and intense series, Breaking Bad also had its fair share of comedic moments, often stemming from Jesse Pinkman's witty remarks. The exceptional writing of the show allowed for the development of captivating storylines throughout its five seasons. Arguably, Jesse Pinkman underwent one of the most complex character transformations, transitioning from a mediocre drug dealer to a highly successful and lucrative meth producer in New Mexico. Constantly finding himself in overwhelming and immature situations, Jesse's humorous quotes served as a welcome distraction from the show's darker moments.

Towards the end of Breaking Bad, Jesse had experienced so much hardship that it becomes nearly impossible to recall a time when he could crack a joke. However, the earlier seasons depicted him as a absent-minded and reckless young man, navigating a world filled with constant danger and the threat of arrest or death, which he was ill-suited for. Adding to the humor, his tumultuous relationship with Walter White often resembled that of a quarreling couple. These elements laid the foundation for some of the most amusing Jesse Pinkman quotes in Breaking Bad.

15 "You Don’t Need A Criminal Lawyer. You Need A Criminal Lawyer."

"Better Call Saul" (Season 2, Episode 8)

In season 2 of Breaking Bad, Walt and Jesse cross paths with Saul Goodman after one of their dealers gets arrested. Saul would eventually become an integral part of the series, even starring in his own spinoff, Better Call Saul. However, it is Jesse who perfectly captures the essence of Saul and his role in their operation. While Walt sees Saul as nothing more than a kitschy lawyer from commercials and bus ads, he remains unconvinced that Saul is the right criminal attorney for their needs. Jesse astutely observes that they require more than just a lawyer who knows the law; they need someone who is willing to break it.

14 "Oh, Hey, Nerdiest Old Dude I Know, You Wanna Come Cook Crystal?"

"Cat's In The Bag..." (Season 1, Episode 2)

The show derives much of its comedic energy from the unlikely pairing of Walt and Jesse. As a mismatched duo, they are the last two individuals one would expect to successfully operate a meth operation. Surprisingly, it was Walt who coerced Jesse into collaborating with him, a fact that Jesse often likes to point out during the early episodes. While Walt may possess greater intelligence than Jesse, it becomes difficult to dispute Jesse's assertion that Walt is far from being anyone's top choice as a crime partner.

13 "What Ever Happened To Truth In Advertising?"

"Buyout" (Season 5, Episode 6)

Jesse's incessant chatter may stem from his wandering mind, but it could also serve as a form of self-defense. A particularly cringe-inducing moment in Breaking Bad unfolds when Walt invites Jesse over for dinner, unaware that his marriage is falling apart due to Skyler's animosity toward his criminal activities. Skyler has sent the kids away and had an affair, leaving a tense atmosphere. Jesse sits at the table with Walt and Skyler, attempting to break the silence by complimenting the meal, and then expressing his disappointment with a microwave dinner that doesn't resemble the images on the box. Despite his best efforts, Jesse's words simply cannot fill the void of awkwardness.

12 "A Robot?!"

"4 Days Out" (Season 2, Episode 9)

In season 2 of Breaking Bad, there is a remarkable episode set in the desert. Walt and Jesse, isolated after cooking, find themselves stranded without a functioning RV battery. The situation quickly turns dire, with no help in sight and the possibility of death looming. Initially ready to give up, Walt is urged by Jesse to use their scientific knowledge to devise a solution – whether it be creating a flare, building a robot, or constructing a new battery. Surprisingly, Walt's hidden brilliance shines through as he springs into action, gathering materials to build a battery. When he reveals his plan to Jesse, Jesse's awestruck response of "a robot?!" showcases both Walt's intellectual brilliance and Jesse's naïveté.

11 "Yeah Science!"

"A No-Rough-Stuff-Type Deal" (Season 1, Episode 7)

During the initial seasons of Breaking Bad, Jesse was initially depicted as a somewhat unintelligent partner to Walt, serving as a source of comic relief. In the first season, Walt informs Tuco Salamanca that their drug deliveries will yield four pounds of meth each time, which poses a problem since they lack access to the necessary sinus pills. Assuring Jesse, Walt dismisses the need for pseudoephedrine, stating he has alternative plans. Jesse reacts with relief, exclaiming, "Yeah Mr. White! Yeah Science." This quote showcases Jesse's endearing side of innocence, as he enthusiastically embraces the breakthrough without fully grasping its scientific intricacies.

10 "Yeah B****! Magnets!"

"Live Free Or Die" (Season 5, Episode 1)

In the first half of season 5, Jesse and Walt once again find themselves in danger of getting caught by the Albuquerque police department, who possess incriminating evidence in the form of a laptop. To eliminate or steal the evidence, Jesse suggests utilizing a magnet, which ultimately proves to be a successful idea. With the assistance of Old Joe, they construct a massive magnet designed to destroy the laptop. The magnet is first tested in Joe's junkyard, where the laptop is forcefully propelled from Jesse's grip and ultimately destroyed against the side of a truck. Jesse ecstatically exclaims, "Yeah B****! Magnets!" It becomes impossible not to share in his elation as he demonstrates his ingenuity by devising a brilliant plan that Walt had never even considered.

9 "This Is My Own Private Domicile, And I Will Not Be Harassed."

"Sunset" (Season 3, Episode 6)

One of the most heart-pounding moments in Breaking Bad occurs in the season 3 episode "Sunset," where Walt narrowly avoids being caught multiple times. In this particular instance, Hank manages to track down the RV lab to Joe's junkyard and desperately attempts to force open the door before Joe intervenes. Inside, Walt and Jesse find themselves vulnerable with only a fragile door separating them from discovery. To protect themselves, Walt urges Jesse to disregard Hank's demands and invoke the law as their defense. He instructs Jesse to assert that Hank cannot enter without a warrant since this is their home. A surprising twist occurs when Jesse skillfully employs legal jargon, leaving Hank bewildered. However, Jesse couldn't resist adding his personal touch by punctuating his statement with a certain expletive.

8 "So Roll Me Further, B****."

"I See You" (Season 3, Episode 8)

Jesse possessed an undeniably captivating ability to elicit both sympathy and disdain from his audience. Following a brutal encounter with Hank that left him hospitalized, witnessing Jesse's battered and bruised figure in such a vulnerable state was truly disheartening. Once released, as he was wheeled out in a wheelchair, Jesse defiantly defied regulations by nonchalantly lighting a cigarette. In response, a male nurse sternly informs Jesse that he must be at least 20 feet away from the entrance. Displaying his signature rebellious nature, Jesse retorts, "Well, then roll me further, b****." Although not necessarily a kind statement, it is rather amusing to observe Jesse maintaining his fearless demeanor despite enduring such a severe thrashing.

7 "Yo, Yo, Yo. 148, 3-To-The-3-To-The-6-To-The-9. Representin’ The ABQ. What Up, B****? Leave It At The Tone!"

"Cat's In The Bag..." (Season 1, Episode 2)

Skyler harbored deep suspicions about her husband Walt's peculiar behavior long before she discovered the truth about his secret occupation as a crystal meth cook. Eager to uncover the truth, she dials the number Walter abruptly ended a call on, and to her surprise, it turns out to be Jesse's. Upon listening to Jesse's fiercely aggressive voicemail message, a sharp contrast emerges between Walt's covert activities and Jesse's lack of discretion. Not only does Jesse's message evoke laughter, but Skyler's reaction to it is truly invaluable.

6 "Ah… Wire…"

"4 Days Out" (Season 2, Episode 9)

An ongoing humorous joke in Breaking Bad involves Jesse, who used to be one of Walt's students in his chemistry class, yet he seems to have retained no actual chemistry knowledge. Despite this, Walt amusingly acts as a teacher at times, testing Jesse's understanding during their operations, leading to comical outcomes. On one occasion, while stranded in the desert, Walt constructs a battery they need to escape and asks Jesse which element they should use to conduct a necessary current. Not grasping the concept, Jesse points to the copper wire and guesses "a wire." The confidence in his answer and Walt's disappointed expression create a brilliant comedic moment.

5 "What Do I Look Like? Scarface?"

"Crazy Handful Of Nothin'" (Season 1, Episode 6)

The dynamic between Walter and Jesse has always been a turbulent one. At the start of their cooking venture, Walt takes charge as the main cook, while Jesse focuses on selling their product. Initially, progress is sluggish, leading Walt to express his dissatisfaction with Jesse's inability to sell faster. He wonders why Jesse can't just offload the entire pound in one go. In response, Jesse cheekily quips, "Do I look like Scarface?" This remark not only showcases Jesse's quick wit but also highlights his more pragmatic approach to the business. It also foreshadows the future developments that reveal Jesse's unsuitability for the brutalities of the trade, while Walt evolves into Breaking Bad's ruthless executioner.

4 "Yo, Gatorade Me, B****."

"Fly" (Season 3, Episode 10)

Jesse has a penchant for dropping quotes with the word "B****," and one of his most memorable lines is "Yo Gatorade me, b****." This particular quote arises during a period in the series when Jesse teams up with Walt to manufacture meth for Gus Fring. While they are cleaning their gear, Jesse suggests that they enlist people to handle the cleaning as they are involved in a large-scale operation. Additionally, he proposes the idea of having waterboys bring them Gatorade while they cook meth. Given the high stakes of the show, it is always amusing when Jesse contributes without fully grasping the grim reality of his surroundings.

3 "You Know What Is Okay To Put In Hot Dogs? Huh? Pig Lips And A**holes. But I Say, Hey, Have At It B****es ’Cause I Love Hot Dogs."

"Fly" (Season 3, Episode 10)

The Fly episode of Breaking Bad is arguably the most divisive installment in the series' history. The entire episode revolves around Jesse and Walt's relentless pursuit to eliminate a pesky fly in their lab, as Walter deems it a significant source of contamination. Jesse, on the other hand, displays far less concern towards the fly, justifying that their meth clientele isn't particularly discerning about the quality of the product they receive. He draws a parallel to the mystery ingredients found in hotdogs, all the while still consuming them. It's one of those moments when Jesse utters something absurd, yet the audience can begrudgingly acknowledge the validity of his point.

2 "When I Was Comin’ Up It Was Just Possum. Opossum Makes It Sound Like He’s Irish Or Something."

"Fly" (Season 3, Episode 10)

While Walt takes the presence of the fly in the lab very seriously, Jesse is far less concerned. He's not bothered about the customer's opinion either. He even expresses relief that it wasn't a more serious contamination. Interestingly, his mind jumps straight to the possibility of a possum wandering into their lab. This leads him to ponder why the name changed from possum to opossum. It seems Jesse's thoughts wander freely, as he vocalizes every new idea that enters his mind, regardless of others' interest in hearing it.

1 "I'm A Blowfish! Blowfish! Yeah! Blowfishin' This Up!"

"Negro Y Azul" (Season 2, Episode 7)

Beneath his initially boisterous persona in Breaking Bad's early days, Jesse is actually a kind-hearted individual. However, this sensitivity becomes a disadvantage when confronted with the perilous aspects of the drug trade. When one of his associates is robbed, Jesse's attempt to retrieve the stolen money does not go according to plan. Tragically, the thief is brutally murdered, falsely implicating Jesse as the culprit. Recognizing an opportunity, Walt manipulates this misunderstanding to Jesse's advantage, portraying him as an unsuspecting figure with a hidden, intimidating side, much like a blowfish. Surprisingly, Walt's persuasive pep talk successfully convinces Jesse, prompting the aspiring drug lord to proudly embrace the moniker of a blowfish.