Empowering Moms on Mother's Day: Embracing Support Over Body-Shaming

Parent coach Oona Hanson focuses on assisting parents in raising children who have a positive relationship with food and their bodies.

Instead of flowers and brunch, consider giving the priceless gift of a healthier body image to moms on Mother's Day.

The pressure on women to look perfect is not their fault. Resisting unrealistic appearance ideals can make mothers' lives better at every stage of parenthood. Women face appearance pressures throughout their lives, but the postpartum period can be particularly challenging for those who have given birth.

I have a vivid memory of being a mother to young children in 2010 when model Gisele Bündchen appeared in Vogue shortly after giving birth. There was a lot of buzz on the internet, with the message being that regular women should not feel pressured to measure up to a supermodel.

Illustration by Alberto Mier/CNN

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Almost every new mother, whether famous or not, feels pressure to quickly return to their pre-pregnancy figure. It is unrealistic and unkind to expect women to prioritize looking like they were never pregnant, even if they have the genetics and resources of someone like Bündchen.

You have just brought a new life into the world, either through natural birth or surgery. Jen McLellan, a certified birth educator, reminds us that it's not easy to recover from the experience of growing a human, despite what we see in magazines and on social media.

If you or someone you know is dealing with an eating disorder, the National Alliance for Eating Disorders offers helpful resources and can provide referrals.

Expecting new moms to quickly 'bounce back' after pregnancy and childbirth can actually be harmful. These are significant physical changes and it's unrealistic to expect immediate recovery. In fact, these expectations can put the health and well-being of new moms at risk.

According to Jill Schwartz, a therapist specializing in perinatal mental health based in Los Angeles, the harmful pressures related to appearance need to be taken seriously. She mentioned that our society does a disservice to moms by bombarding them with unrealistic beauty standards instead of offering the support they truly need.

These damaging ideals about appearance can exacerbate existing mental health conditions or even trigger them, particularly for postpartum women who have a history of depression, anxiety, or an eating disorder. Feeling overly concerned about appearance, exercise, or diet (even if it's considered "healthy eating") could indicate significant maternal mental health issues.

Orthorexia isn't just a preference for nutritious foods -- its a set of rigid rules about how a person eats, experts said.

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For new mothers, a crucial part of their journey is learning to embrace and be thankful for the changes that accompany parenthood.

Schwartz mentioned that the body changes after experiencing something beautiful and amazing that not everyone gets to go through. It's important to embrace this growth, even though the body may not be the same as it was before, just like life itself changes.

Registered dietitian Debra Benfield from Winston-Salem, North Carolina, who focuses on helping women with body image, suggests that moms feeling pressure to control or shrink their bodies should recognize that these ideas are not natural but have been influenced by societal norms.

Awareness of these external diet culture directives can help moms start to push back against unrealistic and harmful ideals. Some women may find strength in actively rebelling against the dominant narrative: “Do the polar opposite of the pressure that society is placing on you,” Schwartz advised. For example, while people may encourage new parents to ramp up exercise quickly, the healthier approach is to “go slow, be patient, give yourself grace and remember you’re in healing time.”

New mothers who experience mental health issues need help but don't often get it.

New mothers who experience mental health issues need help but don't often get it.

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Appearance pressures can become more intense as women approach menopause. The struggle between feeling more vulnerable as a mother and facing unrealistic beauty standards reaches its peak during this time.

Just like the postpartum period, perimenopause comes with its own set of challenges during a hectic phase of life. For many women in midlife, they are dealing with hormonal changes and physical transformations while also taking care of their children and aging parents. According to Benfield, the combination of motherhood and perimenopause can be extremely difficult.

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It’s common for negative body image and disordered eating to resurface in midlife, as women feel pressured to maintain a youthful appearance rather than embrace the natural aging process, according to Benfield, a specialist in treating eating disorders.

It's crucial for women of all ages to remember the important message: "Our bodies change, and that's perfectly fine. Let's embrace and normalize these changes."

Having a positive influence on the family

Moms may find it easier to reject diet culture and the thin ideal when they realize the impact they can have on their families. According to McLellan, "We are teaching our children how to love themselves." Even if a mom isn't actively dieting or weighing herself in front of her kids, Benfield pointed out that "children are always listening and watching, even when we don't realize it."

Benfield emphasized the importance of moms feeling good about their bodies for themselves, in addition to the benefits it brings to their children. By rejecting harmful beauty standards, moms can feel more empowered and present in their own lives.

One crucial part of this journey is letting go of the damaging beliefs that diet culture has ingrained in us about the significance of being thin.

"It's crucial for us to address our own biases about weight," McLellan emphasized. "We've all absorbed certain beliefs as we were growing up. By being open to self-reflection, we can develop a greater sense of self-love."

Mothers may find it easier to reject diet culture when they recognize the positive influence they can have on their families.

Mothers may find it easier to reject diet culture when they recognize the positive influence they can have on their families.

Agne Jurkenaite/CNN

One way for moms to improve their body image is by practicing meaningful self-care. This goes beyond just indulging in bubble baths and cozy socks. It involves prioritizing important health appointments like pap smears and dental check-ups. According to McLellan, it is crucial for moms, especially those in larger bodies, to seek out weight-inclusive healthcare providers. This not only benefits their body image but also promotes overall health.

By acknowledging weight stigma and showing genuine self-care, mothers can begin to undo the harmful messages ingrained in them from childhood, that their bodies are flawed or unacceptable. Instead, they can shift their focus towards prioritizing their overall well-being.

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One way to support other moms is by being a good listener. If a mother in your life is feeling insecure about her body, it may not be helpful to just give compliments. While some moms may like hearing compliments, it can also make them feel like their feelings are not being heard and that their worth is based on their appearance.

According to Benfield, a better approach can be to truly listen and aim to shift focus away from appearance. Friends, family, and partners can show unconditional love and openly discuss the harmful effects of society's unrealistic beauty standards for women.

One way to show empathy and initiate a meaningful conversation is by acknowledging the pressure women feel to conform to certain looks, especially during specific stages of life.

Rejecting societal beauty standards can help mothers begin to push back against the many other ways they may feel inadequate. It's crucial for every mom to remember, not just on Mother's Day, but every day, that she is already deserving. You are amazing just as you are right now. You are more than enough, and you are doing a great job.

Editor's P/S:

The pressure