Unveiling the Paradox: Striking a Balance Between Gratitude and Moderation

Editors note: Shift Your Mindset is a new series from CNNs Mindfulness, But Better team, where we discuss with experts the ways to make positive changes for a better life.

Gratitude is often linked with improvements in various aspects of life, such as decision-making, self-esteem, stress reduction, and overall physical health. There are numerous recommendations for incorporating a gratitude practice as a pathway to happiness.

But is creating a daily gratitude list truly the cure-all it's believed to be? According to Sonja Lyubomirsky, a respected psychology professor at the University of California, Riverside, the reality is not so clear-cut.

Sonja Lyubomirsky is author of "The How of Happiness."

Taea Thale

Encouraging gratitude can indeed boost happiness, but research has revealed that not everyone responds positively to practices like counting your blessings. Drawing on her extensive research in positive psychology, Lyubomirsky, known for her best-selling books "The How of Happiness" and "The Myths of Happiness," offers valuable insight into the effectiveness of gratitude practices and when they may have a negative impact. This conversation has been condensed and edited for clarity.

CNN: In "The How of Happiness," gratitude is described as a "metastrategy for achieving happiness." How does it function?

Sonja Lyubomirsky: Gratitude enhances well-being by shifting people's focus, changing their perspectives, and tinting their memories with positivity. Studies have demonstrated that gratitude can effectively counteract negative emotions. It's difficult to feel envious, resentful, angry, or anxious when you're also experiencing gratitude.

Gratitude also provides a broader perspective that can aid in dealing with difficult situations. For instance, in the event of a house fire, focusing on the fact that your loved ones are safe can provide some comfort amidst the devastation. Gratitude is a valuable tool for managing life's obstacles and stressors.

Lyubomirsky explains that hedonic adaptation is our incredible ability to quickly adapt to any new situation or event. This is why the excitement we experience when we acquire something good in life tends to be short-lived. Practicing gratitude can help us interrupt hedonic adaptation. Being grateful is the opposite of taking good things for granted.

Happy mother and daughter enjoying in walk outdoors in park.

hedgehog94/Adobe Stock

Want to find calm but cant sit still? Try this walking meditation

CNN: What does research tell us about engaging in gratitude as a practice?

Lyubomirsky stated that there is a well-documented correlation between happiness and gratitude. She also mentioned that randomized, controlled studies have shown that expressing gratitude in different ways can causally increase well-being and happiness for people. She advocated for more preregistered and larger studies to further investigate this finding, but expressed confidence in the existing evidence. CNN asked what an effective gratitude practice would look like if happiness and well-being are the goals.

It varies from person to person. The most effective method is the one that works best for you at the present moment in your life. For those who are verbal, having a gratitude buddy to talk to may be the best option. During difficult times, spending time with loved ones and discussing what one appreciates may be the best way to practice gratitude.

Some individuals enjoy writing, so writing thank-you letters, whether they are sent or kept private, can be beneficial. Others prefer keeping a gratitude journal. A study found that expressing gratitude through storytelling or letter writing is more impactful than simply making a list. There are many subtleties, but the aim is to find a practice that aligns with who you are currently.

For people who like to write, an effective gratitude practice could be writing thank-you notes to friends and family, Lyubomrisky said.

towfiqu ahamed/iStockphoto/Getty Images

CNN: You mention that introducing a visitor to the things, people and places that you love can increase gratitude. How does that work?

Living in Santa Monica, I am fortunate to have a stunning ocean view. However, I often take it for granted. When someone visits and reacts with awe, it gives me a renewed appreciation for the beauty I am surrounded by. Spending time with children also helps me see the world through fresh, enthusiastic eyes.

CNN: Can practicing gratitude go too far?

Lyubomirsky: Yes, if the aim is to boost happiness. Gratitude exercises may backfire if done too often. Research showed that the frequency of writing down five things to be thankful for can affect participants differently.

CNN via SKYPE

Harvard psychiatrist reveals the key to happiness

In a study, participants were randomly assigned to count their blessings once a week or three times a week, or to a wait-list control. Those who counted their blessings once a week experienced significant improvements in well-being, while those who did so three times a week showed either no benefit or slight decreases in well-being.

My interpretation was that maybe three times a week was too much. Perhaps people got bored or the activity became a chore or lost its meaning.

CNN: Could a gratitude practice actually cause harm?

from a gratitude practice. In the early stages of my career, mental health professionals raised concerns that gratitude exercises could have negative effects on their depressed clients. In response, I conducted a study with depressed college students, and the results were concerning. Many participants reported feeling less happy after engaging in gratitude exercises, with some even feeling embarrassed or ashamed. Others struggled to find things to be grateful for, leading to feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or mental health issues, help is available. In the US, you can call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Globally, the International Association for Suicide Prevention and Befrienders Worldwide have contact information for crisis centers around the world.

I recently spoke with a clinician who specializes in working with severely depressed teenagers in Canada. We discussed how feeling like a burden on friends and family can be a risk factor for suicidal thoughts. The idea that things would be easier for loved ones if you were gone can be a significant contributing factor. While we have not yet researched this further, I believe that asking individuals who feel this way to reflect on the various ways their friends and family have supported them over the years might actually exacerbate their feelings of burden.

How would you advise someone to avoid pitfalls while practicing gratitude?

Trust your instincts and conduct your own self-exploration. If a particular activity is bringing you down or making you feel disconnected, don't be afraid to switch things up. Pay attention to the factors we've talked about. Are you struggling to find things to be thankful for? Does keeping a gratitude journal make you feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed? Has it started to feel like a chore? If so, it's time for a change. Take a break or find a new way to express gratitude.

Remember, if happiness is your goal, there are countless ways to achieve it. In addition to gratitude, you can also try performing acts of kindness and taking time to appreciate the present moment. Gratitude is just one of many strategies to live a happier, more fulfilling life.

Brooklyn-based journalist and author Jessica DuLong has collaborated on books, provided writing coaching, and written "Saved at the Seawall: Stories From the September 11 Boat Lift" and "My River Chronicles: Rediscovering the Work That Built America."