Unlock the Magic of a Preschool Teacher's Linguistic Skills for a Festive Gathering
Unlock the power of effective communication with a kindergarten teacher's insights Discover how applying early childhood development principles can transform your holiday gathering by resolving conflicts with finesse
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Arielle Fodor, also known as Mrs. Frazzled on TikTok, politely declined Aunt Tracy's offer with, "No thank you, Aunt Tracy. At dinner, we focus on our own meal. It's not appropriate to comment on someone's appearance or what they're eating."
Former kindergarten teacher in Los Angeles, Fodor, now creates content focusing on how her strategies from child development can be applied to adults. From managing a presidential debate to handling family gatherings, Fodor's comedic approach highlights the principles she used in her classroom that are still relevant today.
"We strive to be warm and firm in the classroom," she explained. This entails prioritizing the development of strong relationships and holding students to a high standard, while also providing support to help them meet those expectations. We won't abandon them when things get tough.
Approaching this holiday with the mindset of a kindergarten teacher may assist you in establishing and upholding your boundaries while maintaining a welcoming and positive environment.
with our own desires and limitations. Setting boundaries can help us better understand and communicate our needs and what we are comfortable with. This was explained by boundary coach Kami Orange in a previous CNN article.
Of course, you wouldnt use the same tone to deliver your boundaries to an adult that you would a kid, but many of the same philosophies apply, Fodor said.
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"I've come to understand that adults are really just older children as I've delved deeper into studying child development," she explained.
Your competitive cousin or judgmental uncle may still be responsible for their hurtful words, but reframing them can help. Fodor explained, "We are all just grown-up children seeking the same thing. Many ways that adults connect or speak are not helpful and can be hurtful."
Consider addressing the pain with sensitivity by using "I" statements, like "I feel uncomfortable discussing this topic when we're together." Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, a psychologist from Connecticut, suggests this approach to avoid sounding accusatory. Additionally, you can take a proactive approach by having a conversation prior to the gathering about topics that make you comfortable and those you'd prefer to avoid.
Connect before you correct
What you say may not be the most important part, Fodor said.
"Its less about how you talk and more about how you listen," she added.
Trump and Biden supporters stand outside an early voting site at the Palm Beach County Libraryin West Palm Beach, Florida on October 21, 2020.(GREG LOVETT / The Palm Beach Post)
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Educators refer to it as "connect before you correct," which involves making someone feel understood or cared for before addressing their behavior. "It's not about appeasing or saying it's okay that you behaved that way," Fodor explained. "It's more about acknowledging where you're coming from or understanding your perspective. However, this behavior is not acceptable," she stated.
While she strives for perfection in her own life and social circles, she acknowledges that it can be challenging to always uphold her standards. "It's hard for me to take a step back...because when I come across something so outrageous, I just can't bring myself to interact with it at that moment. I simply don't want to deal with it," Fodor explained. "However, I have managed to have productive discussions when I maintain my boundaries and educate at the same time."
Orange suggested that if maintaining a boundary becomes difficult or if an interaction is too painful, it is acceptable to leave. "Sometimes, removing yourself from a situation physically is the most effective boundary," she explained.
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It doesn't have to turn into a big issue - you might even plan ahead to come up with an excuse that lets you leave once it's no longer enjoyable, suggested Orange. Maybe you'll make plans to stop by a friend's house for dessert, the kids will need to go to bed early, or the cat at home will need to be fed dinner before it gets too late - any of these options can help establish expectations for when it's time to leave.
"Holidays are all about making connections, and if that connection feels negative, it's okay to take a step back," Capanna-Hodge commented.
Fodor added that taking a break is also effective in the kindergarten classroom.
"When a child is emotionally dysregulated or experiencing intense emotions, it can be very beneficial to take a moment to reset and revisit the situation," she suggested.
"Even as adults, we understand that it's difficult to have a constructive conversation with someone else when we are feeling frustrated or emotionally distressed."
