The Ripple Effect of Empathy: How Compassion Spreads and Inspires

Dr. Katie Hurley, a child and adolescent psychotherapist, is the author of books such as “No More Mean Girls: The Secret to Raising Strong, Confident, and Compassionate Girls” and the upcoming “Fiona McPhee, Please Listen to Me!”

In my office, teens are often labeled as self-centered, but I see them differently.

Teens often ask me, "How can I support my friend?" They notice when their friends are going through a tough time and want to lend a helping hand. This shows that they have empathy for others.

During adolescence, teenagers focus on gaining independence as they prepare to leave home. They achieve this by forming strong connections with their peers. Close friendships offer stability, support, and help reduce stress for teens. While it's common for teens to spend time with their friends in groups, both in person and online, not all of them are learning to understand and share the feelings of others.

It's important to teach our teenagers about empathy. A recent study followed 184 individuals (99 females and 85 males) over a period of two decades, starting from age 13. The study discovered that empathy is contagious. Researchers observed that empathy can be passed down through three generations, with its effects spreading from mother to teenager to children. The study was published on May 22 in the journal Child Development.

The best part about the study? Modeling empathy and engaging in empathic communication were the only strategies used.

Sympathetic woman hugging friend with EMPATHY and SUPPORT. Friendship concept between two best friends

Sympathetic woman hugging friend with EMPATHY and SUPPORT. Friendship concept between two best friends

Marco/Adobe Stock

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In 1998, a study at the University of Virginia invited teenagers, their mothers, and their best friends to participate in problem-solving and seeking advice. First, they interacted with their mothers and then with their friends in the research lab.

All interactions were observed to measure how mothers showed warmth and emotional support to their teenage children. The study then looked at how teenagers reciprocated similar behaviors when supporting their friends who sought advice.

As the teenagers reached their thirties and became parents themselves, they were asked about their own parenting practices and their children's levels of empathy.

The findings of this extensive research revealed that the empathy mothers displayed towards their teenage children at age 13 influenced the teenagers' ability to show empathy towards their friends during adolescence (ages 13-19). Furthermore, the study showed that the teens' capacity to provide empathic support to their friends during their adolescent years correlated with more supportive parenting behaviors in adulthood and greater levels of empathy in the following generation of children.

When we practice empathy with our teens, we literally pay it forward for the next generation.

Xavier Lorenzo/Moment RF/Getty Images

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A recent study discovered that over 1/3 of teenagers feel they spend excessive time on their phones. Dr. Michele Borba, an educational psychologist and author of "Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine," shared that she was not shocked by these findings. She was not part of the research.

Building empathy during the teen years can be challenging, especially with moody teens. According to her, the best way to show empathy is through warm relationships. She mentioned that mothers who displayed parental warmth towards their teenagers helped them learn empathy. As a result, these teens carried this empathy to their peers, which ultimately contributes to their emotional development until they become secure parents themselves.

To navigate this challenging time, I asked Borba to provide her top three tips for fostering empathy in teenagers.

Look and listen more

It’s OK if you’re not sure how to meet your teen in these emotional moments.

Parents often express their concerns about how to communicate with their teens, according to Borba. She advises parents to simply sit down with their teens, give them their full attention, and truly listen to what they have to say.

If you're feeling overwhelmed by your teen's strong emotions, remember the 80/20 rule: listen 80% of the time and talk 20%. Teens crave to be acknowledged and understood, and the best way to do that is by actively listening and paying attention to their signals.

Handle your own stress

Stress can be contagious in families, and you can’t help your teens if you are feeling compromised.

"When you're feeling stressed, it can be harder to empathize with others. So, before trying to understand what your teen needs, take a moment to calm yourself down," Borba advised. "We all have different ways of coping with stress, but you could try taking a walk, calling a friend, or even just drinking some cold water to help lower your stress levels before addressing your teen."

It's important to communicate and share your feelings regularly with your teen.

Being open and honest about our emotions has many advantages. It is important for parents to be aware of not burdening their teens with their own stress, but it is beneficial to acknowledge and discuss feelings.

According to Borba, research indicates that teenagers frequently misunderstand their parents' emotions. To avoid this, it is recommended to have more conversations about feelings to validate emotions and progress.

mother sitting on landing floor whilst her baby plays in the background

mother sitting on landing floor whilst her baby plays in the background

Justin Paget/Digital Vision/Getty Images

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Parents often experience feelings of loneliness, which is important to address. By using "I feel" statements in everyday conversations, families can cultivate a habit of discussing emotions. Engaging in literary fiction together can also help families open up about feelings. Reading the same books allows for discussions about characters and storylines. Additionally, watching TV as a family provides another opportunity to talk about shared experiences with a sense of detachment.

What your teenagers need most from you is quality time together where they feel listened to and understood. Empathy grows through ongoing conversations, not just one-time talks. When your teens seek your guidance, make sure to give them your full attention by putting aside distractions, like your electronic devices.

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Editor's P/S:

The article highlights the crucial role of empathy in adolescent development and the positive impact it can have on future generations. It emphasizes that empathy is not only a valuable trait for personal well-being but also a foundation for nurturing supportive relationships and creating a more compassionate society. By fostering empathy in our teens through warm relationships, active listening, and stress management, we not only empower them with essential life skills but also contribute to a more connected and empathetic world.

Moreover, the study discussed in the article demonstrates the intergenerational nature of empathy, suggesting that empathy can be passed down through generations. This reinforces the importance of modeling empathy and engaging in empathic communication, as it not only benefits our immediate relationships but also has long-lasting effects on our children and grandchildren. As parents, teachers, and mentors, we have a responsibility to cultivate empathy in our young people, recognizing that it is a fundamental pillar for their personal growth, social development, and the well-being of future generations.