The Empowering Trend: Unveiling the Choice of Countless Women to Embrace Life Without Children

Dyanna Volek never harbored dreams of motherhood.

Since she was young, she had a strong conviction that she did not desire to have children. Perhaps this conviction arose from witnessing her mother relinquish her aspiration of becoming a flight attendant and instead working three jobs to single-handedly raise two children. Alternatively, it could be that she found other pursuits more intriguing.

"I am constantly anticipating what lies ahead," remarked Volek, a professional employed in the local government sector of San Francisco. "Becoming a parent was never part of that anticipation."

Still, not having children was considered taboo, so she didn't think about it much. Only a few years ago, when she began a committed relationship with her partner, did she truly confront her emotions. By the time she and her husband tied the knot last November, they had come to a decision: They desired a life without children. Now 37, Volek firmly believes she will not have a change of heart.

Not having children grants her a level of freedom that her friends, who are parents, lack. With their vaccination completed, both she and her husband can now dine out, enjoy concerts, and travel without the concerns of jeopardizing their child's well-being.

This newfound liberation allows them to pursue the objective of early retirement, something unachievable in their costly urban residence. Additionally, their daily routine affords them ample time for personal pursuits.

Volek is among the increasing number of American women who are choosing to lead a life without children, which is part of a trend that has been present for over a decade.

From 2007 onwards, the birth rate in the country has been consistently decreasing by an average of 2% per year. Contrary to initial assumptions of a baby boom during the pandemic, the COVID-19 crisis has actually accelerated this decline, resulting in a 4% decrease in births last year.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that it was the most significant decrease in annual births since 1973.

Demographers attribute this trend to various factors, including economic instability, political ambiguity, evolving gender roles, and reduced social stigma surrounding the decision to not have children. While the pandemic highlighted the lack of governmental support for families in terms of childcare and other responsibilities, some women had already made their decisions prior to this.

Here are some reasons why some women are choosing not to have kids.

They dont want the responsibility of being a parent

Cecilia Sanders, a 32-year-old project manager based in Chicago, was resolute from the start in her decision not to have children. The weight of the responsibility and the fear of pregnancy made her certain of her choice.

Nevertheless, she experienced societal pressure to feel otherwise, as if not having kids would let others down. Resisting this influence, she spent about a year attempting to alter her perspective, engaging in conversations with friends who were parents to understand their experiences and how they managed to prioritize self-care.

Cecilia Sanders says she spent a year trying to convince herself to change her mind about having children, despite feeling otherwise.

Courtesy Cecilia Sanders

As it turns out, her friends often didnt have time for themselves. Their kids, they said, came first.

Sanders recognized that it would be particularly burdensome for her to prioritize her parental responsibilities over her own needs. She struggles with anxiety and depression, and during episodes of these conditions, even self-care becomes arduous. The prospect of nurturing children while also maintaining her mental well-being appeared almost unattainable.

"After a year of really thinking about it, I was like, No. If I do this, Im lying to myself," she said.

They fear a lack of support

The US's treatment of mothers is a deterrent for some individuals when considering having children. Amy Blackstone, a sociologist from the University of Maine and the author of "Childfree by Choice: The Movement Redefining Family and Creating a New Age of Independence," suggests that the absence of family-oriented policies in the US contributes to the decreasing birth rate. The pandemic has further highlighted this issue.

During the peak of the COVID-19 pandemic, parents faced the challenge of working without proper child care and assisting their children with remote learning. This demanding situation caused immense stress and exhaustion, potentially leading to a hesitation or reevaluation of the decision to have additional children. According to Blackstone, the pandemic has highlighted the inadequate support provided to parents in the United States. It has unveiled a long-standing truth that parenting is exceedingly difficult and that there is a lack of support for parents in their role.

That was indeed a factor that Yana Grant, a 24-year-old resident of Tulsa, Oklahoma, took into account when she made the decision last year to forgo having children. The absence of a national, paid parental leave program in the US was certainly a deterrent. The costs associated with childcare can be astronomical, not to mention the difficulty in finding suitable options. Furthermore, it remains true that women are still disproportionately burdened with the majority of parenting responsibilities and household tasks.

Yana Grant, a 24-year-old in Tulsa, Oklahoma, says she made the decision last year to remain child-free.

Courtesy Yana Grant

Grant emphasized the importance of prioritizing motherhood as soon as one discovers they are pregnant, stating that men have the luxury of becoming fathers while still maintaining their identity as men. However, as a Black woman, Grant faces additional concerns. Black women have a higher likelihood of experiencing pregnancy-related complications leading to death compared to women of other racial backgrounds. Moreover, their concerns are often overlooked, their pain goes untreated, and their experiences are frequently met with disbelief.

Grant is concerned that her worries are based on actual experiences. In the past, she experienced a rapid heartbeat and throat swelling, leading her to seek medical advice. However, the doctor simply instructed her to stay hydrated and sent her home without examining her thyroid. It wasn't until a year later when she consulted another physician for the same symptoms that she was diagnosed with Graves disease, an autoimmune condition that results in an overactive thyroid.

Grant's fear is that if she were to become pregnant and face complications, her symptoms and concerns might once again be disregarded.

They like their life as it is

She expressed, "As a Black woman, it often feels like there are few things that truly belong to us. Therefore, protecting that aspect of my identity is the only area where I have a sense of control. I can confidently assert that I deliberately chose to prioritize self-preservation because, in all likelihood, no one else will."

Attracted to the idea that her "maternal instinct" would naturally emerge, Jordan Levey dedicated her attention to law school and her professional growth. She anticipated that once she found a life partner, they would embrace a settled life and possibly consider having children.

However, at the age of 35 and after being married for four years, Levey and her husband have come to the realization that they genuinely enjoy their present way of life. With a cozy condo to call their own, they have enthusiastically embraced the role of loving pet parents. Additionally, despite their comfortable income, they prefer to indulge in their personal passions rather than channel their finances towards parenting.

Jordan Levey says she and her husband have decided that becoming parents wasn't the right choice for them.

"We find joy in our lives through our shared love for traveling and cooking, as well as cherishing our moments of solitude for self-care," she expressed. "Although we believe we would handle the responsibilities of parenthood adequately, we simply don't think it would bring us the same level of personal fulfillment."

Without the responsibility of raising children, Sanders has the freedom to fully indulge in all her interests. Writing, playing guitar, hiking, traveling, and rescuing animals are just a few of the activities she can wholeheartedly pursue. Additionally, not having kids allows her to prioritize her career, which she describes as the utmost importance. Sanders strongly believes that without this lifestyle, she wouldn't have achieved her current level of success or been able to fully embrace her hobbies and passions. In essence, not having children has enabled her to live her life to the fullest.

Blackstone acknowledges the significance of women like Levey and Sanders asserting their power to opt for a child-free lifestyle. Traditionally, women who may have desired not to have children would often conform to societal expectations and become mothers regardless. However, in recent years, there has been a shift in societal norms and attitudes regarding this matter.

"Were having more conversations about the reality that parenthood is an option, not something that everybody has to do," she said.

Theyre still judged for being child-free

Choosing not to have children is now more socially accepted, but women who make this decision still find themselves constantly having to justify it. They are often labeled as selfish, accused of disliking children, and warned that they will regret their choice in the future when they are alone.

Women who opt to remain child-free say they still experience judgment for their choices.

Volek expresses that she believes individuals who choose to be child-free, like herself, are unfairly perceived as superficial or ignorant of the profound impact of their decision, which is far from accurate.

"People who opt to be child-free contemplate this decision extensively, perhaps even more so than individuals who have children," she added.

Moreover, it is incorrect to assume that child-free women do not value children. Volek derives joy from playing with her friends' children, and Levey cherishes the moments spent with her niece and nephew.

Grant is involved with a man who is a father, and he is content and enthusiastic about spending quality time with the child individually.

"I'll inquire if he'd be interested in watching Boss Baby 2. Additionally, I intend to accompany him to various Smithsonians," mentioned the Oklahoman. She is planning to relocate to Washington, DC, together with her partner. "However, I won't go beyond that."

According to Blackstone, who has extensively interviewed individuals about their choice to not have children, the individuals she has spoken with admit that there is a chance they might regret their decision in the future.

However, she mentioned that they prefer to forgo having children and potentially regret it later, rather than having children and later regretting that choice.