The Benefits of Letting Go: Embracing Healthy Changes
Exploring the concept of relinquishing attachments, in the book 'Embracing Release,' author Sarah Johnson delves into the importance of freeing oneself from relationships, activities, and possessions that hinder personal growth and fulfillment.
Are you pushing yourself to keep learning a language? Or holding onto a relationship that ended suddenly? Maybe sticking with a friendship that constantly drains you?
According to Adam Phillips, author of "On Giving Up," it might actually be okay — and even healthy — to let go of things like these.
The new book is an introspective look at the psychology of letting things go and aims to give readers some insight into their own lives in the process.
Happy young woman with arms raised in motorboat enjoying sunny day
Happy young woman with arms raised in motorboat enjoying sunny day
Klaus Vedfelt/Digital Vision/Getty Images
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Phillips is a psychoanalyst who helps people understand themselves and make better choices in life. According to the American Psychological Association, his role involves allowing people to freely talk about their troubles.
Many individuals have consulted Phillips regarding the idea of letting go of certain things. He mentions that there is a dual aspect to this concept.
Many times, people believe that if they give up something, they will receive something better in return. For example, giving up smoking in exchange for improved health. On the other hand, some people feel like they cannot change, so they give up on trying. This is often seen when someone smokes so much that it becomes a part of who they are.
This mindset is not only psychological, but also heavily influenced by societal norms.
Phillips in the book discusses how we often place a high value on finishing tasks rather than giving up. Giving up is seen as a failure, while completing something is viewed as a success without needing justification.
For instance, let's say you've been attempting to learn how to play the guitar. You may find it difficult to stay committed to practicing. Instead of quitting, you may push yourself to continue or convince yourself that you will eventually learn.
Are you truly interested in learning the guitar in this situation? Or do you have other priorities that you'd rather dedicate your time and effort to? It might be beneficial to consider giving up, as it could lead to success in a different area rather than abandoning the guitar altogether.
CNN recently interviewed Phillips about his thoughts on "On Giving Up" following its publication to explore the impact of giving up on individuals. His responses have been condensed for brevity and understanding.
The cover of "On Giving Up," a book by Adam Phillips.
The cover of "On Giving Up," a book by Adam Phillips.
Macmillan Publishers
Where did the idea for the book come from?
Adam Phillips: When people decide to give up something like chocolate or alcohol, it shows that they believe change is possible. However, when people give up on something, it often means they feel they are unable to change.
I found the concept intriguing because many people discuss giving things up as part of a trade or negotiation. The idea is that if I give up something, I will receive something better in return. But like any exchange, the outcome can be uncertain and unpredictable.
The idea of sacrifice holds a strong influence in certain cultures, suggesting that something must be given up in order to gain something better. This belief often entails acts of cruelty.
Non-alcoholic beverages are seen at Hekate Cafe and Elixer Lounge on January 20, 2023 in New York City. Alcohol-free bars, dance parties and âsober curiousâ events in New York City are experiencing an uptick in popularity with people drinking less and looking for alternative solutions to enjoying nightlife not centered around alcohol.
Non-alcoholic beverages are available at Hekate Cafe and Elixer Lounge in New York City on January 20, 2023. People are choosing to drink less and are seeking out alcohol-free bars, dance parties, and "sober curious" events as alternative ways to enjoy nightlife without alcohol. These options are becoming more popular in the city.
Image Source: Michael M. Santiago/Getty Images
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Have you witnessed any examples of cruelty in connection to this?
If someone is struggling with alcoholism, alcohol may have been their way to cope. When they decide to stop drinking, they are forced to confront the underlying issues that led them to drink in the first place. This can be a challenging and difficult process.
Hatred, prejudice, and scapegoating have a strong influence on people, as mentioned in the book. Why is it so difficult for individuals to let go of these negative emotions?
Our hearts are filled with emotions that often terrify us, such as hatred. To cope with this intense feeling, we project our hatred onto others and attempt to distance ourselves from them. The scapegoat becomes the vessel for all the aspects of ourselves that we find most frightening or unsettling.
In an ideal world, we would be able to fully embrace our emotions and not blame others for our own hidden desires.
Do you have any tips for individuals who are working towards giving up something or making a significant change in their lives?
Let's take a step back. When I think about what I want, like a cigarette or a drink, I have all my desires organized and focused at that moment.
The first step is to quit smoking. The next stage, after successfully quitting smoking, is to consider how you will feel and if you can handle the initial feelings of deprivation and anxiety. Giving up smoking may lead to increased anxiety and suffering temporarily. It is important to be able to cope with this and seek support from others.
Many people start a hobby only to realize they may not truly enjoy it or have the time for it. Despite this, they may feel reluctant to give it up due to the time and effort already invested.
The book aims to advocate for the freedom to let go. While persistence and determination are often praised virtues, it is important to consider if the pursuit aligns with your true desires. For instance, learning to play the piano requires commitment, but do you genuinely want to learn it?
Tragic heroes in plays are individuals who refuse to give up, often resulting in chaos.
Likewise, it may be beneficial to let go of relationships or hobbies that no longer bring you joy. However, many people struggle with this concept because society tells us not to give up. As mentioned in the book, tragic heroes in plays are individuals who refuse to give up, ultimately causing chaos.
People should be okay with giving up relationships that make them feel bored, powerless, or worse about themselves. A relationship should bring out the best in you and be enjoyable.
If you want to pursue a career as an athlete, musician, dancer, writer, or anything else, persistence is key. Overcoming obstacles is essential. One interesting point that psychoanalysis brings up is that we resist things, whether it's because we truly don't desire them or because we actually do.
It's important to try new things and take risks. The danger often lies in giving up too soon, but there's also a risk in waiting too long to let go.
Everyone has their own vision of the life they desire and what they consider a fulfilling life to be. The ultimate measure could be how someone or something ignites a sense of vitality within you - making you feel truly alive when in their presence. It's like they bring out the most vibrant parts of yourself. This may not occur constantly, but it can happen frequently.
Have you ever wondered why we view quitting as a negative concept?
The book is aiming to answer a very important question. It's a question that I personally don't have the answer to. In societies where hard work, loyalty, consistency, and reliability are valued, persevering and not giving up become crucial.
What kind of world do you want to live in or what is your idea of a good life? It may be one where you never give up.
However, there are many examples of people who never give up but end up doing terrible things because they refuse to reconsider. They become megalomaniacs.
I hope readers take away from the book whatever they want and feel free to interpret it in their own way. The book is not meant to be propaganda or an attempt to persuade anyone of anything.
Editor's P/S:
Adam Phillips' "On Giving Up" challenges societal norms that emphasize persistence and completion above all else. The book argues that letting go can be healthy and beneficial, allowing individuals to redirect their efforts towards pursuits that align with their true desires. Phillips explores the dual nature of giving up, highlighting the potential for positive outcomes when people relinquish things that no longer serve them well.
The book also examines the role of hatred, prejudice, and scapegoating in society, suggesting that letting go of these negative emotions can be crucial for personal growth and well-being. Phillips encourages readers to embrace their emotions, seek support during challenging transitions, and consider whether their pursuits are truly fulfilling. Ultimately, "On Giving Up" advocates for the freedom to let go, recognizing that it can lead to a more meaningful and authentic life.
