Pete Holmes' Latest Standup Special 'I Am Not for Everyone' Takes Center Stage

Article Summary

Pete Holmes' first standup special in five years, I Am Not for Everyone, is now available to stream on Netflix.

Holmes contemplates his spiritual voyage, acknowledging the grounding he received through his upbringing while recognizing the importance of personal development and introspection.

The comedian also delves into the influence of parenthood on his comedic content, explains the reasoning behind the title I Am Not for Everyone, and broaches the topic of a potential revival of the show Crashing.

I have always been aware of Pete Holmes. It may sound strange (and perhaps even a little creepy) to say, but there are several unique similarities between me and the multi-talented comedian, writer, and actor who was born and raised in Massachusetts. The most notable similarity is that we both attended the same small, Christian liberal arts college in that state - Gordon College. Holmes amusingly recounts this experience in his book, Comedy Sex God, which he describes as a combination of autobiography, philosophical inquiry, and spiritual quest.

From designated dorm room visitation hours to life and conduct statements, and even the on-campus improv group called the Sweaty-Toothed Madmen, there are certain aspects of Gordon College that are deeply ingrained in the memories of those who attended. These aspects are difficult, and in some cases impossible, to explain to anyone who did not share that experience. In other words, you had to be there. Despite this, one of my most vivid memories from my time as an undergraduate was watching Holmes return to our alma mater to perform stand-up comedy - and in the on-campus chapel, no less.

I've been following his career from afar ever since his time on late-night television with The Pete Holmes Show, to his semi-autobiographical scripted comedy Crashing. Now, after a five-year hiatus since his last stand-up special in 2018, he returns with a new one for Netflix titled Pete Holmes: I Am Not for Everyone. This special showcases the comedian at his most authentic and fully realized self. Recently, I had the opportunity to speak with Holmes over the phone for what was intended to be a light-hearted, 15-minute conversation about his latest special. However, it turned out to be a more profound and meaningful discussion than I could have expected. Throughout the interview below, Holmes reflects on his personal journey of faith since his time at Gordon College, how becoming a parent has influenced his comedy, the possibility of a Crashing revival, and much more.

Pete Holmes: I Am Not for Everyone.

Release Date: October 24, 2023

Director: Oren Brimer

Cast: Pete Holmes

Rating: Not Rated

Runtime: 65 minutes

Main Genre: Comedy

Genres: Comedy

Writers: Pete Holmes

Our website: Just as a fellow Gordon alum, I wanted to share a personal message...

PETE HOLMES: Whoa, no way!

Yeah! Class of 2010. I actually saw you do stand-up on campus when I was there.

HOLMES: Wow, that is absolutely remarkable. The only thing that really stuck with me from that particular show — well, my brother, after the performance, informed me that he had already heard every single joke before. [Laughs] And I even affectionately referred to [Gordon professor] Norm Jones as an SOB. "Oh, there you are, you old SOB." I recall the audience reacting with a bit of shock, but I immediately realized, "Uh oh! I suppose I cannot even utter an acronym for a profanity."

Image via Netflix

I'd like to mention that as someone who grew up in an evangelical background, attended Gordon College, and has gone through my own spiritual transformation, your special resonated with me in a unique way. I know you've discussed your own journey of reevaluating your faith after growing up in that environment. So, I wanted to ask you where you currently stand in terms of your faith and belief system.

HOLMES: I can genuinely understand where places like Gordon come from. In the special, I jokingly ask myself why I didn't learn certain things in church. However, Father Richard Rohr and Ram Dass make a similar point: you need to have a structure before you can break it, and you need to be somebody before you can be nobody. During that time in our lives, and even while growing up, it's easy to look back with anger at the fundamentalism I was raised with. But I also understand where they were coming from. It may not be what I would do, but they were trying to provide a foundation, a starting point. I view it as a starting point that I'm grateful for. I wouldn't say I'm bitter anymore, though I used to be. [Laughs]

I believe that not feeling safe enough to break things down and rebuild them is a missed opportunity for growth, which is at the center of the faith: death and resurrection. We often focus on Easter Sunday, the oldest tradition, without acknowledging Good Friday. Death is a necessary part of the process. I believe that all mystical interpretations of religions point to this same truth. It's about realizing that things are not what they seem, and that realization is crucial. I often emphasize that this concept isn't limited to spiritual stories. Harry Potter provides a great example. In many stories, a child discovers their royal heritage, or that their parents were wizards, or that they too possess magical abilities. They go through a metaphorical death as they let go of their previous identity as a regular human (or Muggle) and are reborn with a stronger sense of their divine inheritance and their true selves.

To answer the question about my spirituality, it revolves around self-reflection. What does it truly mean when we say "I"? What do we mean when we say "God"? What is the most fundamental and essential aspect of existence that we share with God? It's about exploring these questions with a sense of curiosity, not merely as a belief system or a thought experiment that we can discuss with others, but because when we delve into our innermost being—our capital-B Being, a place of pure awareness and "I am"—our fears, anxieties, dread, and panic fade away. Nothing overwhelms us. It's almost perplexing. Even Pete, my ego, is silenced when I tap into that state of being. It can be frustrating because Pete doesn't have a place in that experience.

Ram Dass once made this point: it would be a sign of psychosis if either you, currently, or I, Pete, were to believe that we could sit at the right hand of God. The idea of Pete merging with the divine could drive us insane, but there is a part of us that can experience this connection. Our egos cannot come along for the ride, if that makes sense. This is why I find the last line of that joke so important. God is not a physical entity. God is an awareness without a specific object, and I believe that's what we mean when we talk about God's love. God’s unconditional love is like a field that embraces, nourishes, and supports all things - the essence of existence. However, it's not just about proclaiming our beliefs to others. It's about taking a moment in the morning to rest in that space, or doing it before falling asleep at night, or even while driving in traffic. We can let go of all our identities and simply rest in it. And in doing so, we come to realize that the peace and happiness we seek is already within us, inherently part of who we are.

In my book, there's a line that says, “There's nothing we can do to increase or decrease God's love, but we can increase or decrease our awareness of that love.” So once again, it's not about belonging to a group; it's about gaining experiential knowledge and truly knowing ourselves. And when I say "ourselves," I mean it in a profound sense. It might seem like a daunting starting point, but I find it incredibly fascinating. I don't understand why we aren't constantly discussing this. It's strange that comedians, my people, my tribe, [laughs], rarely talk about God. And if they do, people tend to dismiss it. But to me, it's the biggest joke of all. Imagine if reality isn't what it appears to be. Imagine if we ourselves aren't who we appear to be - if we're not scared little boys, but rather wizards, beings of divine origin. That is the most hilarious joke in the world. Unfortunately, religion has burned many of us and left a bitter taste in our mouths, leading 99.9% of comedians to mock and criticize it, and I understand why. But that's just the beginning.

Deconstruction, although a necessary first step, is often the least engaging. Many individuals find themselves trapped in the process of deconstruction, either holding onto literal beliefs inherited from the past or spending years questioning and rebelling against established ideas and traditions. While this rebellious energy may be appropriate for a period of time, it is important to recognize that deconstruction alone is not the most captivating aspect. It is reconstruction that holds the utmost importance; it symbolizes resurrection. Unfortunately, many individuals remain attached to the religion or belief system that once caused them pain, much like being crucified on a cross. Instead, they should embrace rebirth, letting go, making changes, or adapting. They are being called to something far greater than mere suffering, and they need to overcome the belief that they deserve it. It seems that we often prefer the familiar discomfort and individuality of hell rather than the potentially blissful oblivion of heaven.

You've brought up an intriguing topic, and it's quite amusing. [Laughs] Here I am, originally intending to promote a comedy special filled with jokes about wieners.

[Laughs] I did want to ask you about more than this, I promise.

HOLMES: No, I love this.

Image via Netflix

When it comes to adaptation and transformation, many of the jokes in this iteration are heavily influenced by your experiences as a father and a husband. Undoubtedly, being a parent presents numerous comedic situations. However, on a personal level, how did this particular stage of life shape your comedic perspective?

HOLMES: Parenting is a transformative experience, especially for women who physically go through a significant change. It is like a death of the part of you that is not a parent, but a new part that is a parent emerges suddenly. This transformation is fascinating, particularly for a comedian whose job is to showcase their personality and thoughts. Without self-awareness, one can become overly focused on their own intricacies, like Gollum from Lord of the Rings (laughs). However, being in a loving relationship, like mine with Val, helps prevent this. Having a baby amplifies this shift further. I used to think I was the star of my own movie, as most of us do in our youth. It's like the movie revolves around you; it starts every morning and ends every night. But when you have a baby, you realize you're just a supporting character. The real movie begins when your child is born.

There's a line in the movie Interstellar that says, “As a parent, it's your job to just become the memories of your child,” and this is a spiritual practice if you recognize it as such. It means surrendering your ego, needs, and wants. My wife sacrificed parts of her body, and we're tired, but we let go of all these things we thought defined us. I used to think I was me because I slept nine hours a night, but that changed. Yet, something remained, and it made me curious about the consistent factor in my experience. And, it's also much funnier. I don't want to criticize others' comedy, but I prefer comedians who have kids or something outside of themselves that consumes them. It's more important to me than jokes about weed and Xbox. That's just my preference in my forties.

What I appreciate about being a parent is the inherent humbleness and authenticity it brings. Humiliation, in this context, doesn't refer to public embarrassment, but rather to the idea of being grounded, genuine, and relatable. Being a parent means setting aside self-preservation and not using personal achievements as a means of self-promotion. Many of us tend to present ourselves in a positive light, but on stage, I prefer sharing stories of my own shortcomings and failures. That's why my comedy show is titled "I Am Not for Everyone." I could have easily crafted an hour of material where I appear flawless and triumphant, but instead, I embrace vulnerability and utilize my position on stage to connect with others through shared struggles. It's a form of art that celebrates our shared humanity.

All I can say is that this type of comedy resonates with me, and it's the kind of comedy I strive to deliver. Ideally, I hope that everyone who experiences it leaves with a sense of comfort in knowing they are not alone, rather than feeling like they've just encountered a commercial selling a perfect life. I want them to understand that the version of themselves that showed up at the show is okay, even if it's not for everyone. And since we touched on spirituality earlier, that's the perspective I hold. The universe accepts and embraces our true selves. We all belong. Our individuality defines and gives meaning to one another. The awkward person at a party validates and enhances the presence of the smooth, confident individual, and they both have a place. Everyone fits in, and everyone belongs.

This is your first standup special in a while, and I understand that the pandemic played a role in that, which you also address in the special. Being in front of an audience again, sharing a space with people. Did you originally plan to film something sooner, but it got postponed?

HOLMES: Yes, that's exactly what happened. Around March 2020, I was preparing to film the hour. The venue hadn't been chosen, there was no network involved yet, but I was making those calls, thinking, "I think it's ready. Let's go for it." Thankfully, the delay turned out to be a blessing for me. The pandemic brought so much suffering, and that was terrible. But speaking strictly about the process of putting this together, the delay actually worked out really well for me. Comedians always have to wrestle with their own internal restlessness, that feeling of thinking something is ready.

After the lockdown, when we all had to relearn and adjust, I found that my jokes became much more interesting. With my daughter growing older and gaining more life experiences, I incorporated that into my comedy. About 30 minutes of my material remained from before, but the rest was inspired by my daughter's growth and the sense of urgency, mortality, and vulnerability that the lockdown brought. This added depth to the special and I realize now that it needed the extra time to develop. Although the whole experience was complex for all of us, I'm grateful for the disruption because it resulted in my favorite special. If I hadn't been interrupted, I wouldn't have taken the time to refine it and it wouldn't have had the richness it has now.

As a TV editor, I have to ask about Crashing. I remember discussions about the potential for a continuation of some sort, whether it be a film or something else, after the finale. We're currently in a time where revivals are happening, not necessarily for the long-term, but as a way to give closure. I'm not sure if there's any information you can share about the possibility of that happening, but I'm sure people would be eager to know.

HOLMES: It's incredibly heartwarming. I genuinely mean that. It's amazing that people are interested in it. When HBO canceled the show, they did mention the possibility of a movie. Lately, I've been watching a lot of Chappelle and I really admire his honesty. [Laughs] Honestly, it felt complete -- not just as a series, but it was really challenging, more than I expected, to write scenes with actors who resemble my parents pretending to be my parents, saying things my parents said, and with an actress portraying my ex-wife, recreating moments that were based on reality. The whole process was quite exhausting, being in a trailer parked on West Fourth Street. In a way, I can understand the glamour of it. Oh my god, we're shutting down half a block in the Village and that's cool. But at the same time, I'm just a tall man in a very small camper, and people keep knocking on the door... [Laughs]

Some people find it hard to believe, but when it ended, I was at peace with it. We filmed two versions of the finale -- one where I kiss Ali and one where I don't. We decided to air the one where I kissed her because it felt like it could be the final moment. It would give it a Hollywood ending, with them being together and in love. At the time, when HBO mentioned the possibility of a movie, I didn't really consider it. The story felt complete. We had discussed Season 4 and came up with ideas like Pete getting a talk show with Conan [O'Brien]. I thought, "Then the show should be called Flourishing," you know? It wouldn't be Crashing anymore. What I appreciate about the show, in its three seasons, is that it's an honest exploration, as honest as we could make it.

Starting in comedy is a long journey, often spanning 10 to 15, sometimes even 20 to 25 years. There was no show dedicated to this experience, until recently. When I started achieving success, it felt like a more relatable version of Entourage, but I didn't want that. Not only that, I physically didn't want it either. When Insecure decided to take a break, I fully understood and related to the need for time off. Being a comedian is a year-round job, and it's a privilege. It feels like traveling internationally for a whole year, which can be tiring and challenging.

As someone who is also over 6 feet tall, I completely understand the hesitation to subject oneself to cramped trailers and long flights with limited legroom, as it is a constant struggle for me on most flights.

Holmes: Oh my goodness. In addition, Val was pregnant during the last season, and that's when Lila was born. As I was mentioning earlier, the show is no longer primarily focused on me. However, I'm genuinely pleased by that. Judd and I have remained close friends, which feels surreal to say because he's always been a hero of mine. There are many people from the show whom I am still close to, such as Jamie Lee and Beth Stelling — love her— as well as Judah Miller, Oren Brimer, and Yoni Weinberg. Oren and I just collaborated on the Batman videos. Anyway, we're all like a tight-knit crew, and it's wonderful. I am always open to the idea of working with Judd again because I know that now, with time passing, there is interest for us to collaborate as friends in that space. So, we'll see.

Pete Holmes: I Am Not for Everyone can be streamed on Netflix in the U.S.

Editor's P/S

As a Gen Z fan, I appreciate Pete Holmes' honesty and vulnerability in his latest stand-up special, "I Am Not for Everyone." His reflections on his spiritual journey, from his upbringing in a Christian environment to his current perspective, are particularly thought-provoking.

His ability to find humor in his personal experiences, including his time at Gordon College, is both entertaining and relatable. Overall, I found "I Am Not for Everyone" to be a refreshing and insightful take on faith, parenthood, and the challenges of navigating life's ups and downs.