How to Successfully Navigate the Holiday Season, Danish-style

The holiday season typically includes joyful gift-giving, rekindled connections with loved ones, and cherished customs.

During the holiday season, the joy and happiness are often mixed with various stressors including hectic travel, disagreements over Covid-19 safety measures, tense family conversations, and concerns about finances and gift-giving. These stressors can have a negative impact on both mental and physical well-being, with research showing that mortality rates tend to increase during this time.

How can you best find a balance during the holidays so that you are fulfilled instead of frazzled?

Perhaps you can find balance by taking a few cultural cues from the Danes.

Despite the cold and gloomy winters, Denmark is home to some of the happiest people in the world. As a native Dane and psychologist, I often share Danish words that promote well-being. These words are beneficial year-round, but some are especially helpful for managing holiday stress.

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Going above and beyond

To achieve a better balance during times of joy and competing commitments, it is important to grasp the meaning of the Danish word "overskud."

"Overskud" is a noun that translates to "excess." It typically refers to profit in an economic context, but in everyday language, it signifies having the energy, willingness, or resources to take on a task or issue.

Having surplus energy is often seen as a positive thing - you might put in extra effort at work, organize an elaborate holiday party, find especially thoughtful gifts, or volunteer at your child's school. In Danish culture, combining the term "overskud" with other nouns is common, such as creating an "overskuds-breakfast" with omelettes, bacon, coffee, and French toast, or being an "overskuds-dad" who decorates cookies with his kids and their friends.

While it may come across as boastful to claim to have overskud, Danes respond with genuine applause and encouragement when someone shares their experience of having surplus energy. After all, who wouldn't want the extra capacity and vitality to take on life's challenges? According to some Danish therapists, having more overskud can result in increased contentment, peace, and mindfulness.

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Your energy isnt boundless

Balancing the demands of the holidays can be tricky. Healthy and delicious food, meaningful and affordable presents, and elaborate decorations all need to be carefully managed. How do you find the perfect balance?

Any psychologist will emphasize the importance of maintaining healthy boundaries for improved mental health. Furthermore, the term "overskud" is also used to clearly convey when individuals are unable to handle a particular event, task, or obligation.

Instead of saying "I'm swamped," a Dane might say they don't have enough "overskud" to go to a party or meet for a glass of gløgg, a mulled Christmas wine. Essentially, it's a way to politely express that something sounds enjoyable, but they simply don't have the energy for it.

Danes also use a verb related to "overskud," using "overskue" to express that they cannot manage something such as organizing a family holiday event, planning a trip, or deep-cleaning the house.

Often, activities that are supposed to be enjoyable and energizing, such as attending a midweek holiday party or purchasing gifts for a charity event, still require a significant amount of effort. When you're feeling drained and would rather just stay home in your PJs, you might say "I just cannot overskue doing it."

Essentially, the Danes use the words "overskud" and "overskue" to politely decline, and there's an unspoken understanding that it's nothing personal. Declining certain activities will give you the time and energy to say "yes" to others, allowing you to approach the holidays with enthusiasm and cheer, whether you choose to be the energetic party planner, cookie decorator, or gift giver.

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The importance of pyt

Many people hope for a flawless holiday season, but the truth is that they often encounter rude strangers, long lines, decoration mishaps, out-of-stock toys, dirty dishes, and challenging family dynamics. One way to release holiday-related stress is by embracing the Danish word "pyt," pronounced "pid."

Pyt is the Danish way of shrugging off minor frustrations, hassles, or mistakes with a casual "oh well" or "stuff happens." It's used to acknowledge and let go of small mishaps, like when Danes admit their shortcomings with a nonchalant "pyt, I didn't wrap that present very well" or offer comfort to others with a simple "pyt, those cookies may look funny, but they're still delicious." Embracing the idea that things won't always go as planned is at the heart of pyt.

High personal standards are often indicative of inadequate coping skills and an inability to manage daily stressors. Embracing imperfection as a natural and healthy aspect of life can help alleviate stress.

Refocusing on what truly matters is another approach to finding peace and contentment. Is the frustration of waiting in a long line truly worth letting it ruin your day, or is it a fleeting annoyance that will soon be forgotten?

While waiting, consider taking a moment to reflect on the things you're grateful for or to reassure yourself that you're doing okay. Studies indicate that combining self-reflection and self-compassion can be especially effective in alleviating stress. Additionally, practicing self-compassion can foster acceptance of both your own and others' imperfections.

Holiday stress has its advantages over unexpected stress because it can be anticipated. If you approach it with the mindset of not trying to do too much and not expecting everything to go perfectly, you might just have the best holiday experience yet.

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Marie Helweg-Larsen is a professor of psychology and the Glenn E. & Mary Line Todd Chair in the Social Sciences at Dickinson College in Carlisle, Pennsylvania.