Healing Trauma: Ashley Judd's Journey to Grieve Her Mother
Ashley Judd opens up to CNN's Anderson Cooper about her transformative journey through trauma, the profound grief she now experiences, and the enduring presence of her mother's spirit in her life
Ashley Judd senses her late mother's presence through what she calls "winks" or "small nudges."
She has heeded those subtle nudges to the section of heartfelt greetings at Walgreens, where Judd will pause and peruse the selection of cards from mothers to daughters, carefully selecting the one that her mother - renowned singer and songwriter Naomi Judd - would have personally chosen for her.
"I did that during Christmas and on my birthday. I even chose the one I would have given her for the holidays," Judd shared in a recent discussion with CNN's Anderson Cooper on his podcast "All There Is."
Since her mother's passing by suicide in 2022 at the age of 76, Judd has been actively engaging in various healing practices for over 20 months.
Judd explained that there is a point where trauma, grief, and transcendence intersect, which she refers to as "the braid." She stated, "I believe that I am now well-versed in grief, and grief and I have a good relationship. However, this does not mean I have an easy way out or a quick solution, but rather a more efficient approach."
Judd has acquired this efficiency through the bravery she has discovered in addressing the pain from her childhood and the loss of her mother.
"I believed that the loss of a parent is something that we, in some way, are mentally prepared for, at least in theory. I was aware of her struggle with mental illness and the pain she felt in her mind, and I knew she was suffering," Judd confided in Cooper.
However, that knowledge didn't provide much preparation for her.
She expressed, "The sudden and unexpected nature of my mother's suicide was traumatic for me, as I was the one who discovered her. As a result, my grief was intertwined with trauma and had a profound impact on me."
Judd emphasized the need to address her trauma before being able to properly grieve for her mother.
"There is a place where trauma and grief and transcendence meet, and I call it the braid."
Ashley Judd
"Trauma and grief are distinct from each other. Trauma is persistent and involuntary, resurfacing unexpectedly without our control. It's an unprocessed memory that lingers in the brain, causing distress and requiring proper storage," explained Judd. "On the other hand, grief is a natural human experience with stages that naturally resolve over time."
Following her mother's passing, Judd turned to eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy for support, a proven treatment that can alleviate negative emotions linked to traumatic events.
"The truth is I had to work my ass off," Judd said. "I just dragged my bones over there twice a week for three months just to work on my trauma."
Judd said her grief followed.
A year after my mother's passing, I found myself re-experiencing the initial shock of grief at unexpected moments, such as when I was doing something mundane like washing dishes or working on my second book. It felt as if I had just walked into the room again and the wave of shock overcame me. Judd mentioned that she still grieves for her mother, but in different ways now. She finds moments of solace in small things, like discovering a folded Kleenex in her mother's pocket and feeling her presence in family traditions, such as playing charades during the holidays.
Ashley Judd remembers her mom's great sense of curiosity about the world.
Courtesy Ashley Judd
"I think we all deserve to be remembered for how we lived, and how we died is simply part of a bigger story," Judd reflected.
Judd fondly recalls his mother's inquisitive nature, expressing, "My mom now exists within the boundless realm of the divine consciousness. It's truly the perfect place for her," he mused. "All the mysteries that used to capture her imagination are now the essence of her spirit."
Despite her deep depression, Judd admired her mother's unwavering ability to rise from the sofa and greet her with love and excitement whenever she visited their Tennessee home. "No matter how sick she was, she would light up and exclaim, 'There's my darling, there's my girl, there's my baby!' That's how I see my mom," Judd fondly recalled.
The second season of "All There Is" is available now wherever you get your podcasts.
