Dealing with Gift Disappointment: How to Turn It Around and Feel Better
Feeling let down by a gift from a loved one? Discover how to handle gift disappointments with grace and find ways to appreciate the thought behind the present Navigate through the disappointment and turn it into a positive experience
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When Abby Eckel received a small jewelry gift bag from her husband for her birthday, she expected to find a ring with a morganite gemstone. However, upon opening the package, she was disappointed to find a necklace instead.
"I found myself in a battle of sorts, debating whether to speak up or simply accept what I was given," Eckel remembered. Despite her husband's thoughtful gesture, she knew the necklace wouldn't be something she'd wear due to her specific tastes. This left her feeling conflicted and burdened by a sense of disappointment.
Receiving a gift that doesn't quite match your tastes can often lead to feelings of disappointment and guilt. Whether it's an ill-fitting sweater from your parents, a T-shirt featuring a band you once loved but have outgrown, or silver jewelry when you only wear gold, the gift ends up stored away and collecting dust because you can't bear to part with it. This can leave you feeling like your loved ones aren't fully tuned in to your preferences.
What should you do if you receive a gift that you don't really like? When Eckel received the necklace from her husband, she was puzzled. Instead of the ring she had wanted, he had given her a necklace. Although she couldn't remember why he hadn't gotten the ring, she did recall the conversation she decided to have with him.
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Eckel expressed, "I didn't want to come across as spoiled or ungrateful, but I also wanted to understand the reasoning behind this." After talking it through, she felt much better and he also appreciated her honesty. "He didn't want me to be upset without knowing why," she added. As a result, Eckel felt comfortable returning the necklace and using the money for something else.
Mielad Owraghi, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Loma Linda University Behavioral Medicine Center in Redlands, California, emphasizes the importance of having a conversation to alleviate feelings of disappointment and guilt. Owraghi recommends finding appreciation and gratefulness in the gift itself, but also suggests communicating with the gift-giver to ensure they understand what you truly desire.
According to Suzanne Degges-White, a licensed counselor and professor at Northern Illinois University, asking questions about the gift can help the recipient understand the thought behind it. She also mentioned that gifts can give insight into how we perceive our relationships and how much someone cares about us, especially in romantic relationships.
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It is crucial to have open and honest conversations with individuals in long-term relationships to establish preferences for gifts, as this can prevent recurring patterns of receiving unwanted gifts during holiday seasons, according to Degges-White. However, if the gift giver is not a close friend, family member, or romantic partner, it may be best to keep quiet and appreciate their good intentions, she suggested.
"If someone has lovingly chosen a gift for you that you find to be horrendous, it can be difficult because we don't want to hurt the feelings of the people we care about," she explained. Sometimes, wearing a gift that you wouldn't typically choose to make the giver happy can be seen as a gift in itself, as it shows appreciation for their thoughtfulness.
The sentiment is what matters most.
In 2020, "Saturday Night Live" on NBC featured a skit about numerous moms receiving robes for Christmas. Following the airing of the skit, on Christmas day, moms from all over shared pictures of themselves wearing their new robes in response to the sketch.
In the realm of gift-giving, it is often said that the thought behind the gift is what matters most. However, putting in a little extra effort can make a significant difference. According to Degges-White, the best gifts are those given with consideration for the recipient's preferences and interests. When someone fails to do so and gives a mismatched gift, it can make the recipient feel unnoticed and unappreciated.
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Can you have too much gratitude? Sometimes, less is more. It's important to communicate your needs and wants with loved ones to maintain strong relationships, according to Owraghi. Additionally, listening and taking note of any hints your loved ones drop about potential gifts throughout the year can help you feel more prepared when the season rolls around again.
Last year, Eckel, a content creator known for giving relationship, parenting, and mental health advice to her followers, shared a TikTok video about her husband's gift. In the video, she discussed the importance of communication and expressing emotions in relationships. "As humans, we experience emotions and it's okay to talk to our partners about them," Eckel stated. "We can acknowledge our feelings and choose to move forward from them."
