Breaking the Silence: Indian Women Rejecting Their Rapists
Unveiling the harsh reality of Indian marriages, where archaic beliefs rooted in a 17th Century jurist's ideologies continue to dictate the dynamics of intimacy between spouses Explore the stories of Maya, a lawyer fighting for justice, Vidya, Nusrat, and other brave women taking on the deeply ingrained patriarchy Hear the voices of women and men, as we delve into this pressing issue
Trigger Warning: This article contains potentially distressing details.
In bedrooms throughout India, outdated beliefs from a 17th-century jurist continue to influence the laws and attitudes surrounding sex between spouses.
Matthew Hale, an Englishman, once famously held the belief that women became their husband's possession upon marriage. This belief was written into English common law, exported to the colonies, and eventually abandoned in many countries over the centuries - with the exception of India. In India, it is not considered a crime for a man to force sex or sexual acts on his wife, as long as she is over 18 years old.
The inner workings of marital homes in the world's most populous country are nearly impossible to discern, including the private conversations that may or may not take place before one party initiates sexual activity.
According to experts, India's patriarchal society imposes specific expectations on wives, often necessitating compliance with their husbands' desires, regardless of their willingness to participate.
Activists have been working to reform the law for many years, but they face opposition from conservatives who fear that government intervention could undermine the institution of marriage in India. The Delhi High Court issued a divided decision on the matter last year, leading lawyers to file an appeal in the Supreme Court of India, which is anticipated to be heard in the near future.
Maya
Three women, reached through social workers and non-government agencies, spoke with CNN and accused their husbands of rape. To protect themselves, they are using aliases and have chosen not to reveal their identities.
"I want him to be punished. I want him to serve time for his crime" -- Maya
Duncan Senkumba/CNN
Maya was 19 and in love when she married a man shed met in college.
Her marriage was not arranged like many Indian marriages, and her mother disapproved. Maya moved in with her husband, but the family matriarch immediately disliked her due to her lower caste. In India's social hierarchy, certain individuals are considered more deserving than others, despite laws aimed at ending caste-based discrimination.
His grandmother refused to eat with the utensils I used or drink from a glass I provided. She constantly criticized every aspect of my being - from the way I spoke to the way I dressed.
"This is the reason my husband and I argued so much," explained Maya, now 21. "He wanted me to give in and follow his family's wishes. I asked him to support me, but he didn't."
Maya clutched her hands together tightly, recounting the mental and physical abuse she endured from her husband. "I had four abortions. He would force himself on me even when I said no. I felt so powerless. I would just break down and cry."
Maya
In late 2021, she said her husband forced himself on her for one last time.
She confronted him, stating, "This is rape." He confessed, acknowledging, "Yes, I know I am raping you. You're right. I'm raping you. Tell the authorities if you want to."
Despite not reporting him, she left the next day after two years of marriage.
"I want him to be punished. I want him to serve time for his crime," Maya said. "Until he gets punished, he will never know or realize what he has done wrong."
A lawyers fight
In 2017, lawyer Karuna Nundy penned an open letter published by Vogue, where she encouraged women nationwide to "recognize your strength." She emphasized the importance of knowing one's right to refuse and the right to report rape to the police, seek medical attention to preserve evidence, and contact a lawyer. Nundy also highlighted that shame belongs to the perpetrators, not the survivors of the crime.
Recently, a married woman confided in Nundy, revealing that her husband had been raping her every night since they were married. Nundy not only agreed to help the woman leave her husband, but also expressed her desire to change the law that allows men to rape their wives with impunity.
Nundy stated from her office in New Delhi that there are certain visceral issues that do not require contemplation. This is one of those issues.
Hale's criminal law treatise stated that marital rape could not be classified as a crime.
"In 'The History of the Pleas of the Crown,' published in 1736, Hale wrote that by entering into marriage, a wife had given herself to her husband in a way that she could not take back. Even today, nearly three hundred years later, Hale's views on marriage, rape, and abortion continue to be referenced in courtrooms worldwide, including in the United States."
The idea that women in marriage are expected to allow themselves to be raped night after night, and that it is legally acceptable, is an undeniable injustice that cannot be ignored. Karuna Nundy, attorney
Last year's ruling that overturned Roe v. Wade, setting back women's rights to seek an abortion in the US, referred to Hale's name at least twelve times.
Marital rape remained legal in certain US states until 1993, and it was not outlawed in Britain until a groundbreaking court ruling in 1991.
Marital rape is not addressed by legislation in 43 countries worldwide, and in those that do, the penalties for non-consensual sex within marriage are disproportionately lower than other rape cases, as stated in the 2021 State of World Population review by the United Nations Population Funds.
In India, women have limited legal recourse when alleging rape by their husbands.
For instance, individuals have the option to pursue a restraining order through civil law or press charges under Section 354 of India's Penal Code, addressing sexual assault below the level of rape, and Section 498A, addressing domestic violence.
Interpretation of these laws varies, and judges have the discretion to impose jail terms for sexual assault allegations made by married women, although many choose not to do so, according to Nundy.
Nundy emphasized that criminal law must be specifically designed to address rape, otherwise neither the victim nor the alleged perpetrator will receive justice.
Nundy added that even married women are disregarded when attempting to file a police complaint. A study in the "Sexual and Reproductive Health Matters" journal from the National Library of Medicine last year supported this finding.
The study analyzed data from three public hospitals in Mumbai from 2008 to 2017. It discovered that out of 1,664 rape survivors, none of the cases were reported to the police. Additionally, 18 women reported marital rape to the police, with 10 of them alleging rape by a former partner or husband.
Indian law permits rape charges to be filed against a partner following separation, however, the study found that these charges were not pursued. Police explicitly informed four women that they were unable to take action as marital rape was not considered a crime.
"The inadequate police response is of concern as all the women had suffered severe violence," the report said.
Vidya
With nowhere else to turn, Vidya approached a non-government organization, whose workers gave a name to her experience.
Duncan Senkumba/CNN
Softly spoken and shy, Vidya says she never wanted a husband, but her father told her she didnt have a choice and arranged for her to marry at 19.
She was not taught about sex before her wedding night.
"I became scared because I did not know him," Vidya said. "I did not say anything - not no, not yes - and he never asked."
After several years of marriage, Vidya gave birth to a son. She experienced increasingly violent demands from her husband and would be beaten if she refused sex. With no other options, Vidya turned to a non-government organization for help. Their workers provided a name for her experience.
I had heard of it happening outside, that if a girl goes out anyone can come and rape her, but when I first heard that a husband can rape his own wife, I was shocked."
Vidya
Vidya briefly considered leaving her husband and even took her son to her mother's house for a short time. However, she ultimately decided to stay with him and suggested that they attend marriage counseling.
He agreed, and they are still together. "He has improved his communication skills. We no longer have issues," said Vidya, now 37.
She believes that marital rape should be punishable by law, even though she doesn't want her husband to be imprisoned. "I don't want my husband to go to jail because he is a good person now," she explained. "However, enacting this law will empower women to speak out and end their abuse."
Nusrat
"I continue to live under his roof for the sake of my kids" - Nusrat
Duncan Senkumba/CNN
Nusrat's husband, the son of a family friend, persistently pressured her parents to allow him to marry her despite his distant residence and financial difficulties.
"At first, my parents refused the marriage, but he continuously harassed us, even sending his grandmother to our home to threaten that he would take his own life if he couldn't marry me," Nusrat explained.
Nusrat relocated from her village to be with her family, only to discover that he was a heavy drinker who physically abused her and resorted to theft due to unemployment. She even had to sell her jewelry to bail him out of jail.
Their differing desires for sex created tension between them - he desired it, while she did not.
He persistently tried to persuade her, but she was unwilling to engage in sexual activity with him. His daily advances left her with no choice but to give in.
Nusrat
Nusrat didnt refer to what happened to her as rape, but the law states that a man commits the offense against a woman if she doesnt give her free consent - except if shes his wife.
At 33 years old, Nusrat is too afraid to leave her husband as she is unable to provide for their three children. "I have no education and cannot find work to support myself," she explained. "I stay in this situation solely for the sake of my kids."
She said this is why she believes marital rape should be outlawed throughout India.
"We need it for women like me, who dont have an avenue to leave," she said.
According to a nationwide survey, 17.6% of more than 100,000 women ages 15-49 say they are unable to say no to their husband if they don't want sex.
Duncan Senkumba/CNN
What women say
In a suburban room in western Delhi, a ceiling fan softly hums as ten women gather in a circle, wearing shalwar kameez, a traditional Indian tunic with a scarf. These women have been invited by social workers who visit their homes to build trust, educate them about women's safety, and how to seek help.
CNN has agreed to alter the names of the women - all spouses of migrant workers from neighboring states - due to the taboo nature of discussing sex in India, and the potential backlash from their families. Among the 10 women interviewed by CNN, at least four were married off by their parents before the age of 18, a decision they felt they couldn't reject. Only two women were able to choose their own husbands. All but one of the women had children.
The 2019-2021 National Family Health Survey conducted by the Government of India revealed that 17.6% of women aged 15-49 felt unable to refuse sex with their husbands, and 11% believed that husbands were justified in physically harming their wives for refusing. Rani, 26, shared that she felt compelled to have sex with her husband against her own wishes.
He would get angry, refuse to eat, or yell at me. Saying no is not an option.
Rani
Priti, a 30-year-old mother of four, revealed that she had no understanding of sex until her wedding night, when her husband showed her a pornographic video and instructed her to replicate it. None of the women disclosed physical abuse from their husbands, but they expressed the belief that sex was a marital obligation. Additionally, they viewed rape as a violent act committed by a stranger.
Jaya Velankar, the director of Jagori, a non-profit organization that educates women about their rights and advocates on their behalf, stated that the patriarchal system has granted men privileges. She explained that men are able to use physical violence, temper tantrums, and verbal abuse without consequence, as this behavior is ingrained from a young age.
Duncan Senkumba/CNN
What men say
Since Indian courts began hearing the cases to criminalize marital rape, a slew of mens rights activists have taken their objections to the streets and social media.
The Save Indian Family Foundation group has been outspoken in their belief that women could wrongfully use the law to unjustly detain men. In March, the group, boasting 100,000 members, called for nationwide protests against the Marital Rape law and Supreme Court of India on their Twitter account - now known as X - stating they are prepared to take action if a fake marital rape case is filed.
CNN has contacted the organization.
A 2019-2021 National Family Health Survey found that 9.7% of over 90,000 men ages 15-49 surveyed believed that a husband was justified in hitting or beating his wife if she refused sex, while 12.2% stated that husbands had the right to use force if their wife refused sex.
Dozens of men in Delhi were asked by CNN for their opinions on marital rape and consent. Alok Singh, a 21-year-old law student, stated that criminalizing marital rape would give women the "empowerment" to speak out.
"It is required," he said. "We are seeing that marital rape cases are increasing, and people are voicing their concerns."
But most men CNN spoke to said marital law should not be outlawed.
Rajeev Verma, a 43-year-old self-employed worker, expressed concerns that such a law would lead to "marital discord."
He stated, "A man gets married for physical intimacy. If, heaven forbid, the woman were to refuse, even if not explicitly, the fear of a potential rape accusation would always linger in your mind."
Rajeev Verma
A 52-year-old taxi driver, Ramdev Yadav, said a law against marital rape could deter people from marriage.
"Sex should not be coerced, but if this law is enacted, no one will get married," he argued. Senior Supreme Court advocate Colin Gonsalves, who is advocating for the criminalization of marital rape, points to evidence from other countries to suggest that married women will not immediately resort to criminal complaints against their husbands.
According to him, women are aware of their rights but are hesitant to pursue legal action. This strongly indicates that despite legal changes, progress in practice will be gradual rather than met with resistance. Nevertheless, he emphasized that this is a major milestone in India's efforts to prevent marital rape.
Duncan Senkumba/CNN
Taking on the patriarchy
It has been more than a year since New Delhis High Court delivered a split verdict on whether marital rape should be outlawed.
Justice Rajiv Shakdher ruled in favor of criminalization, saying failing to protect married women violates the Indian Constitution.
Justice Hari Shankar disagreed.
In his judgment, Shankar wrote that a husband may sometimes force his wife to have sex with him, even if she does not want to. He questioned whether it could be considered the same as a woman being assaulted by a stranger. The outcome of this decision will have a lasting impact on hundreds of millions of people in India for years to come.
Even if wives choose not to use the legal system to seek justice against husbands who commit rape, advocates argue that the ability to do so should send a strong message that consent within marriage is a choice, not a privilege.
Nundy believes that empowering women within marriage would signify India's departure from its colonial history, rejecting the outdated ideologies of a man who passed away over three hundred years ago.
The campaign for womens rights isnt intended to create societal conflict, she added.
"This is not a fight of women against men," Nundy said. "This is a fight of people against patriarchy."
Rishabh Madhavendra Pratap and Ajay Bedi contributed reporting.
