Biden Breaks the Taboo: Addressing Grief in the White House
Biden, residing in a grief-stricken White House, emerges as a remarkable president who openly addresses Americans' personal loss, setting him apart from his predecessors
Joe Biden resides in a residence that has witnessed an excessive and incredible amount of personal sorrow and hardship, but he could become the inaugural president to candidly converse with Americans about navigating through grief.
After the death of Abraham Lincoln's son Willie from typhoid fever in the White House, his wife Mary went into a prolonged period of mourning. The Lincolns then chose to spend a significant portion of his remaining presidency living outside the White House, in a cottage on a hilltop in Washington, in an attempt to escape the painful memories of their son's passing.
Similarly, Calvin Coolidge's son Calvin Jr. tragically passed away after developing a blister on his toe while playing tennis at the White House. In the absence of modern antibiotics, the resulting infection proved fatal after he was hospitalized at what is now known as the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center.
Coolidge, the unemotional politician famously nicknamed "Silent Cal," eventually confessed that he was profoundly affected by the death of his 16-year-old son. In his autobiography, Coolidge wrote, "When he passed away, the authority and prestige of the Presidency departed with him."
Calvin Coolidge with his wife, Grace Goodhue Coolidge, and their sons, Calvin Jr. and John.
MPI/Archive Photos/Getty Images
Following a tragic train accident that claimed the life of Franklin Pierce's only living son between his election and inauguration, his wife was left inconsolable. As a result, Pierce's presidency has been remembered for its notorious failings.
Many presidents have endured the loss of children and siblings, often before their election. John Adams and his son John Quincy Adams both experienced the death of their children. In 1953, George H.W. Bush's daughter, the sister of George W. Bush, passed away.
Joe Biden's personal history of tragedies is well-documented and came before his presidency. His first wife Neilia and 13-month-old daughter Naomi died in a car crash in 1972, shortly after he was elected to Congress as a senator from Delaware. His son Beau succumbed to brain cancer in 2015. Biden discussed working through these losses in a recent episode of the "All There Is" podcast with CNN's Anderson Cooper.
Feeling Americans pain vs. sharing their pain
Hearing Biden speak about his vulnerability, is not unfamiliar in terms of his political career. However, listening to his conversation with Cooper, held in the White House, feels unprecedented for an American president - all of whom have been men and all of whom, to varying extents, have attempted to project an image of invulnerable power, concealing their weaknesses rather than connecting with people through them.
Barbara Perry, co-chair of the presidential oral history program at the University of Virginia's Miller Center, wrote in February about the numerous tragedies experienced by presidents. When asked about how presidents express grief, she mentioned Lincoln's habit of riding horseback from the family cottage to escape the house where his son had died.
She acknowledged that previous presidents have not typically shared their own personal grief with the American people.
"Someone like Bill Clinton wasn't hesitant to express empathy by saying, 'I feel your pain,' without making it about his own pain," she explained.
Presidents are people. They endure the same personal tragedies
Biden may have transformed the role in this manner, embracing what could have been perceived as a vulnerability in any prior presidency, especially that of Donald Trump. Trump went to great lengths to seek out physicians who would portray him as superhuman and staged an elaborate photo opportunity to downplay the impact of the Covid-19 illness that nearly took his life.
John F. Kennedy's son, Patrick, tragically passed away at less than 2 days old in Massachusetts in August 1963. Both Jacqueline Kennedy and Mary Lincoln experienced the heartbreaking loss of a child and a husband while residing in the White House.
A well-known anecdote about the Kennedy family, known for their carefully maintained public image, is the enduring saying passed down through the generations that "Kennedys don't cry."
President John F. Kennedy arrives at Children's Hospital in Boston on August 8, 1963.
Andrew Jackson also experienced turmoil between his election and inauguration. Vicious rumors about the first marriage of Jackson's wife, Rachel, and cruel suggestions that she was a bigamist may have contributed to her untimely death. This occurred after the election of 1828 but before Jackson's tumultuous inauguration.
Jackson consistently attributed his wife's death to his political adversaries, despite her long-standing health issues, as reported by the Hermitage, a website dedicated to their shared estate. This deep-seated resentment played a significant role in shaping Jackson's political pursuits.
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Rachel Jackson, wife of President Andrew Jackson.
John Chester Buttre/Library of Congress
Both Biden and Roosevelt lost wives at young ages
Despite facing the tragic loss of both her daughters to disease before her time in the White House, Ida McKinley then experienced the death of her husband, William, in 1901, following which Theodore Roosevelt took over the presidency.
Following his first election to the Senate, Biden's wife and young daughter tragically passed away in a car accident in December 1972. This devastating experience greatly influenced his political career, leading him to continue his work in the Senate while prioritizing time with his surviving children by traveling home to Delaware on the Amtrak every night.
Both Roosevelt's wife and mother passed away on the same day and in the same house, just hours apart, in February 1884. Coincidentally, this occurred just two days after the birth of his first daughter. Following their tragic deaths, Roosevelt rarely mentioned his first wife, Alice, and sent his daughter, also named Alice, to live with relatives while he headed west to the Dakotas. This decision ultimately shaped his Rough Rider persona, which he would uphold for the rest of his life.
After Roosevelt remarried, his daughter Alice ultimately returned to live with him, but only at the insistence of his new wife, Edith, according to Edward O'Keefe, a former CNN colleague who is now CEO of the Theodore Roosevelt Presidential Library Foundation and author of a forthcoming book, "The Loves of Theodore Roosevelt." She was known for her wild social life and Roosevelt once said, "I can either run the country or I can father Alice, but I cannot possibly do both," according to O'Keefe. Despite this, she bore a striking resemblance to her late mother, which must have caused Roosevelt personal pain.
"He was one of the most hypermasculine presidents in American memory," O'Keefe stated. "He tried to pretend that the things that hurt him didn't, but they did. They had a profound impact on his psychology."
Each president represents their own era, and the current American era under Biden is characterized by fewer children being born and lost. Death is more distant from most people's daily lives, but still just as common. This doesn't mean we should avoid discussing it.
The new season of "All There Is" is available now wherever you get your podcasts.
