A Healing Journey: Empowering Mantras that Guide My Cancer Recovery

Maggie Mulqueen, PhD, a psychologist based in Brookline, Massachusetts, and author of "On Our Own Terms: Redefining Competence and Femininity," shares her perspective in this commentary. For more of her work, visit drmaggiemulqueen.com. The following views expressed are solely her own. Visit CNN for more opinion pieces.

As an avid reader, like many writers, I rarely go to sleep without flipping through a few pages of a book. While my taste in books is quite diverse, I tend to steer clear of mysteries. However, to my surprise, I found myself completely engrossed in all 18 of Louise Penny's Inspector Gamache novels.

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Maggie Mulqueen

After being diagnosed with breast cancer in December of 2022, my close friend Peter recommended Penny's books as a form of escape. He assured me that immersing myself in the world of Three Pines and getting to know Inspector Gamache, the main character, would be truly captivating.

With my surgery slated for late December, I embarked on a quest to locate secondhand books at my nearby bookstore. Each successful find added to the stack of books on my nightstand, providing solace and reassurance that regardless of the sleepless nights that lay ahead, a steady supply of reading material would be at my disposal. Peter's words proved true as I found myself captivated by the enchanting world of Three Pines, where the scent of croissants, café au laits, and the captivating characters whisked me away from the clutches of fear that had consumed me.

Before each medical intervention, I whispered these words to myself: "All will be well."

Unable to sleep one night, I decided to retreat to an unoccupied bedroom with a book in hand, so as to not disturb my husband. As I adjusted the pillows and settled into the twin bed, I found myself transported not to Three Pines, but rather to the bedroom of my childhood. In that moment, I held a different book named "The Hidden Staircase," a Nancy Drew mystery.

My mother held a negative view of Nancy Drew books, claiming they lacked literary value. It seemed that my local library shared this sentiment, as it did not stock them. Despite this, whenever I managed to save enough money from my allowance, I would make my way to the nearby five and 10 cent store. There, I would purchase a Nancy Drew mystery and indulge in a forbidden fruit of our household, a Three Musketeers candy bar.

Settling into bed with my forbidden items, clutching a flashlight, I voraciously consumed my book and treats, finding solace in Nancy's knack for restoring order amidst the turbulent predicaments of each story. While the specifics of those books faded from memory, they taught me invaluable lessons about the power of female problem-solving and the justness of the world, where the villain always faced his reckoning.

The structure of these literary works stood in stark contrast to the nightly battles that engulfed my home. At the tender age of ten, my parents' marriage was unraveling, leaving me caught in the emotional crossfire. Within a year's time, my mother would depart, absenting me from her departure.

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Connect with us on Twitter and Facebook. As I delved back into my Louise Penny mystery that evening, I came to recognize that it might be the haunting memories of those solitary nights during my childhood that deterred me from indulging in mystery novels. The notion of experiencing that same sense of fear again was something I vehemently evaded, yet now my trepidation stemmed from the uncertainty of my own future if the cancer remained uncured. The battle had shifted inward, no longer permeating through the confines of a shared bedroom wall. Could I truly have faith that everything would turn out fine?

It has been a while since I held the belief that the world is just and equitable. The reality of a cancer diagnosis serves as evidence that fairness does not exist in such circumstances. However, my conviction in the ability of girls to tackle challenges has only grown stronger. The remarkable women doctors who cared for me serve as a powerful reminder of the progress the world has made since my youth.

Above all else, I remain steadfast in my belief that the written word possesses the power to guide us during difficult nights when rest seems elusive. There is no enigma in that notion.